I have a son who came to me five years ago along with his three brothers and a sister. This one son, then 8 years old, was considered a Level of Care 3 kid. His psychiatrist recommended that he be split from the sibling group, and not adopted. I disagreed since I don’t participate in splitting up sibling groups. Was I right or wrong?

It would have been easier without him, that’s for certain, but maybe not, as the remaining children may have acted out in an intensely negative manner in response. They are a very difficult group of children on a good day, all but one. The middle brother is brilliant.

Lately Jose, now 12 years old, has been belligerent beyond measure. He’s threatened to kill several of us, starting with me. Anything and everything sets him off, there are zero reasoning skills, and I’ve had him in therapy for years.

A psychological evaluation done years ago indicated not only a victim mentality, but also someone who may never take responsibility for his actions, may never understand the connection between his actions and the resulting consequences.

He used to be on a great deal of medications and I slowly weaned him, wanting to know just what I was working with, understanding that the medications masked his true self.

He was no better on or off medications.

When should a parent fear for their life? Now? After a dozen threats? When?

I don’t know. My gut tells me that we are approaching a dangerous period in our family life with him. Another son had quite a bit of police involvement, threatening to “F&*k up this entire family,” resulting in a lock down confinement for our safety.

This son is truly starting to concern me.

Today I am going to get him started in an IFI program that is available. I’ll swallow my pride, I’ll face the fact that some workers will feel that this is my entire fault. I’ve been there before. This young man witnessed his birth mother murder the dad, his anger is palpable.

The Intensive Family Intervention Team will try to reach him, good luck with that is what I won’t say. Hopefully they’ll have the necessary tools, that they’ll get somewhere with him.

I’m extremely positive and optimistic usually, although not as much as this admirable woman. I sure could not have walked in her shoes. My own keep me busy enough.