A friend of mine called me the other day wanting to know the first step in getting an adopted son the mental health that he needs, at least an initial assessment.

My first experiences into this realm, years ago, were less than pleasant as I struggled against bad attitudes and, seemingly, no sympathy for what I was up against.

I’d had a son tear up the principal’s office, they’d called me at the school where I worked, 15 miles away, and I’d advised them to call 911. Back then, that 11 year old outweighed me and was blindly angry during his unprovoked rages. Even if I could have gotten there in time, I could not have prevented the breakages that were occurring, as we spoke.

The deputy carted this child off to the county jail and sat him in a conference room until I could get there. They decided he was a nut job, their words, and they transported him to our local mental health facility one county north of here.

When I arrived there, this son was extremely angry and made ludicrous claims of physical abuse against him by me, a scrawny, older mom. All charges must be taken seriously, but they had me transport him to what was then our only residential psychiatric facility.

Hello, folks. The principal, a male, and several deputies have deemed this large, overweight child dangerous, yet you want this librarian to risk her safety right now? Didn’t this furious child just say he was afraid of me? How convoluted is this?

But I did it; the abuse claims were investigated and unfounded. This child was sent to an Outdoor Therapeutic Camp where he was kicked out within six months. “This is the most disturbed child I’ve ever encountered,” I was told by the experts there who’ve dealt with all sorts of juvenile offenders. I still, then had a full-time career going on as a media specialist, and I’d wailed to our adoption caseworker, “How can I work and tend to this kid? I had a couple of dozen other children then as well.

She sympathetically told me that this was why she’d often seen parents lose their jobs over the years. That didn’t exactly console me, but it sent me roaring into overdrive hunting for solutions.

Our state finally refused to fund any more treatment, and this son of mine returned to Texas to reside in a state mental hospital for the next four years, attacking staff, disrupting everything, and fighting everyone’s attempts to normalize his behavior.

At age 16, he returned to us, quite improved overall, but within two years he was kicked out of school for two felony charges involving weapons and threats against others. I struggled to maintain his behavior, the police were often called to our house by me, and eventually at 18 ½ he left on his own, unwilling to follow mom’s “stupid” rules and moved into a homeless shelter.

Is this what I want for my children? Of course not, but this is what I have at the moment. Last night he was kicked out of the shelter for threatening others, he will probably be sent to a diversion center by his Probation Officer for violating his probation way too many times.

Stay tuned for further developments.