I have had a lot of issues lately with anger, frustration, depression and being just plain old sick and tired.¬† We are almost two years into our having Mita and Enu home with us and it is as hard now as it has ever been for me.¬† I know that some of this is stemming from the fact that the girls are just now working through some tough issues themselves and acting out.¬† I also feel that I am just not as energized as I have been in the past.¬† I think I ran on adrenaline the first year and now my body is begging me to give it a rest, work things out with help from others and to give it more oxygen!
I’ve done yoga in the past, took lessons on handling stress, have learned to breath with counselors.¬† I know, but I don’t always do.¬† Lately I’ve been breathing a lot more and guess what?¬† Everyone was right.¬† It does help.¬† It gives me time to think before I react.¬† It also lets my family know that mom is giving herself a minute which will be good for EVERYONE!
Before our adoption¬† was complete, our agency had us fill out a sheet of questions.¬† These questions were about how and where we could get help if/when help was needed.¬† We had the names of counselors, numbers for doctors, a go-to person who would not judge and just listen, and who to call when help was needed immediately.¬† I filled this out, feeling very responsible.¬† I must confessed I didn’t use this sheet when I should have.
Sure, when Hubby had a kidney stone attack within the first couple of weeks of coming home from Ethiopia, I was able to call my mom to come over and help.¬† I made an appointment with one of the counselors also within the first few weeks to ask a few questions.¬† After some time I forgot about this sheet.¬† I have never called my non-judgmental go to person like I should have.¬† I’ve vented to her a bit, but didn’t utilize her like I should have.¬† Why?¬† Pride, stupidity, arrogance, ignorance…probably a little of all of those.
My encouragement to all moms and dads in the adoption process is to use your resources!¬† Don’t let yourself get so run-down that you family sees negative effects. ¬† I have let myself become so tired and strung-out that I can no longer help my girls with attachment and in their healing process.¬† This is not an easy thing to admit and I do so now in hopes that other moms and dads won’t let themselves get to this stage.
I’m working my way back to normal though.¬† I’m asking for help with the little and the big things. I’m taking the support people offer and I’m BREATHING:)