February 10th, 2010
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1078767_waiting_2I have had a lot of issues lately with anger, frustration, depression and being just plain old sick and tired.  We are almost two years into our having Mita and Enu home with us and it is as hard now as it has ever been for me.  I know that some of this is stemming from the fact that the girls are just now working through some tough issues themselves and acting out.  I also feel that I am just not as energized as I have been in the past.  I think I ran on adrenaline the first year and now my body is begging me to give it a rest, work things out with help from others and to give it more oxygen!


I’ve done yoga in the past, took lessons on handling stress, have learned to breath with counselors.  I know, but I don’t always do.  Lately I’ve been breathing a lot more and guess what?  Everyone was right.  It does help.  It gives me time to think before I react.  It also lets my family know that mom is giving herself a minute which will be good for EVERYONE!

Before our adoption  was complete, our agency had us fill out a sheet of questions.  These questions were about how and where we could get help if/when help was needed.  We had the names of counselors, numbers for doctors, a go-to person who would not judge and just listen, and who to call when help was needed immediately.  I filled this out, feeling very responsible.  I must confessed I didn’t use this sheet when I should have.

Sure, when Hubby had a kidney stone attack within the first couple of weeks of coming home from Ethiopia, I was able to call my mom to come over and help.  I made an appointment with one of the counselors also within the first few weeks to ask a few questions.  After some time I forgot about this sheet.  I have never called my non-judgmental go to person like I should have.  I’ve vented to her a bit, but didn’t utilize her like I should have.  Why?  Pride, stupidity, arrogance, ignorance…probably a little of all of those.

My encouragement to all moms and dads in the adoption process is to use your resources!  Don’t let yourself get so run-down that you family sees negative effects.   I have let myself become so tired and strung-out that I can no longer help my girls with attachment and in their healing process.  This is not an easy thing to admit and I do so now in hopes that other moms and dads won’t let themselves get to this stage.

I’m working my way back to normal though.  I’m asking for help with the little and the big things. I’m taking the support people offer and I’m BREATHING:)

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2 Responses to “Deep Breathing Does Help”

  1. lgjurich says:

    I have been home from the Ukraine now for 3 years. And can relate. The first year was really difficult. I thought things were getting better. Now I face my daughter being a loner. Not able to form relationships with peers. lacking social skills. And just not bonding with me as much as I wanted her to by now. She has been lying to me lately too. When I try to talk with her she just stares at me. Its frustrating and Im exhausted. Linda G.

  2. paulac says:

    I hope you are doing better now, 9 months later. You sound exhausted and frustrated. I would encourage you to “love outloud”. Love her and Talk to her like you want her to love you and talk to you. She will most likely mirror your actions back to you.
    Paula C.

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