Being an adoptive mom is a lot of work; that’s not a news flash. Adopting older children is even harder. From your comments and the emails I’m certain I don’t struggle alone. These battles are universal.

The hardest part though may come from knowing that we pour out so much of ourselves, so much 24-7 hands-on, super-intensive parenting, therapy and the constant searching out of more resources because our children are so needy; that when they fail to meet our minimal expectations, such as getting a job to support oneself when one is grown, that our deep resulting frustration seems all the more bitter.

Were all our efforts in vain? The teaching and redirecting constantly about morals, values and integrity and then we learn that our grown child is a thief and in jail? Or that they assaulted someone and are imprisoned? I hear stories from y’all that rival our own.

I’ve been living in this adoption world for so long that I’ve seen and heard stories of children that run the gamut from murder to mayhem.

I see this also more so nowadays in birth families where children have had every possible opportunity for nurturance from the beginning yet they turn their backs on all their parents have done, rejecting every shred of decent behavior and turning to a life of crime that seems so glamorized by their moronic, movie heroes who never face any consequences on the big screen. That’s not real life.

Since when did these imaginary characters take over as our children’s role models? Why are the thieves in movies such as Oceans 11 idolized and the policemen that protect us are put down on the evening news by investigative reporters more concerned with upping their ratings rather than reporting the facts?

Someone once said that the opposite of courage is not cowardice but is conformity. Ouch.

Are we allowing ourselves to conform to the media’s perception and portrayal of sassy know-it-all, precocious preteens parented by slow, deluded and clueless parents? Hey folks, who pays the bills?

We need to be strong; adoptive parents of older children overly so as our children are looking to us to maintain their own sense of stability, security and safety.

A teenage son of mine thought I’d overlook his rude reply to me this morning, yet I shut down our entire morning routine in order to deal with his way less than civil response to me, his authority figure. Had I not done so, I’d have sent a clear unspoken message to him that it is acceptable to sass his teacher also, or worse yet a police officer at some point.
My other kids took note as well. This is my job, my parenting role, to teach my children what they did not learn when they were not parented at all before they were adopted.

Yes, it is hard. It is often a tough, thankless, blood pressure raising and frustrating way to live, but I inherently know, that in the long run, we will all be better off for it. My children will one day be thankful for all that I battled to teach them, they’ll certainly appreciate that I hung in there in spite of all these odds.

I know this already from my older children. I need to maintain this level of parenting for the rest of my children.

Photo Credit Cindy Bodie