As parents we quickly learn that no two children are alike. Just as each child's actions are often different. The same measures of discipline will need to be different also.

Of course each act of discipline should reflect only the necessary need desired to correct the child's behavior. As parents we tend to over discipline if we are caught up in the moment and reacting out of emotion versus thinking things through and acting in the best interest of the child's ability to honor and correct his or her behavior.

I am a big fan of time out. When both the child and the adult are in the middle of reacting it is often best to just take a time out to breath and reflect on what is needed to overcome the situation.

We all know children can push our buttons if they know where they are and how to do it. So it is very important to learn how to maintain our cool collective self when handling kids and their behavior.

Structure is a good place to start. Set down basic rules for your household. That means maybe a chart that reminds the kids and us as parents at times too, what the rules are. When is bedtime? What chores must I do each day? What weekly things am I responsible for? What is my curfew? When do I complete my homework? If I don't have homework is it free time or do I read a book for a period of time?

You would be surprised how much help in a busy household it is to just set a basic structure system of rules and post them. It also makes it so much easier for the parent to say "Read the Rules" instead of negotiating the basics over and over again.

It also helps to have a set list of discipline for when the rules are broken. We know without a doubt that they can and will be broken. We are human we tend to make "boo boo's" as my mom preferred to call them.

If I do not complete homework what are the consequences? Cause and effect. If you cause the family to worry because you are out past curfew and we did not receive a phone call prior to your lateness. How will this affect me?

This is where creative parenting becomes a treasure. Maybe one of your children loves their TV time but could care less if they get time on the computer. So the effective discipline would be to take away their TV time. This will be effective in a positive way. The child will miss the TV time. They will have time to think about how they can earn back their privilege to watch TV and that means they will make an effort to correct the bad behavior.

What if the child is older and taking away TV time is no big thing? A teenager loves private time or time on the phone. In order to achieve a positive effective discipline you must work with what each person values most. So be creative. If your daughter is on the phone all evening then limit her air time. Give her a family project to do that will take her away from the phone and place her in a community of siblings. She may give you some extra attitude but what is a little attitude compared to good family moments.

Discipline should never demean a child's character or affect their self esteem. Discipline should only make the child think about what is right and what is wrong, and help them make better choices in the next situation.

Conviction of negative behavior will always bring forth sadness and remorse for what they have done wrong. But it will not condemn the child or make them think "They are Bad". Only what they have done wrong in choice of behavior is bad. So remember to use structure and be consistent, without condemning the child's self worth and self esteem.

What are some of the most effective ways to teach a child to desire good behavior versus negative behavior?

What kind of discipline is right for your family and your home? What can be learned from voice control versus yelling? How much of what you are saying will your child actually comprehend? All of theses topics are worthy of some good thought.

What kind of parent do you want to be? What kind of parent are you? How can you change in order to be a more effective parent for your children? In a world that is constantly changing sometimes we must change with it.

What mom and dad used years ago may not be excepted in today's society. Is spanking wrong? What is spanking and when does it become physical abuse? At what age does spanking just become out dated and non effective as a form of discipline?

Sure a soft slap on the hands will make a toddler think twice about touching a hot surface. However it will be nothing more than ignored behavior to a seven year old. In recognition was it the slap on the hands that corrected the toddlers action or the stern voice that said "No Don't touch" that made the difference?

I grew up with a God fearing mom and dad who did not spare the rod and spoil the child. No I was not abused and yes some of my behavior needed a stern action but honestly, hitting is the last form of discipline that I would chose myself to correct a child.

Once again it is personal choices and creative parenting for my family. What works best for me may not be what is best in your house. That is why it is important to talk about what we can do and have back up plans because there will be the dreaded day when nothing seems to work. What do we do then?

Let's explore this topic and many others in the category of discipline together. Share your thoughts and feelings. It may be tomorrow's answer to a new parent.