Some mamas are clearly afraid of their children; they simply do not know how to stand up for what is right.

I am not my children’s friend, I’m their mama. I will not back down from issues and they will not cow me by their negative responses. My teenagers did not grow up under my guidance. They grew up, needs unmet by adults, either in foster care or still in their birth families with an obvious lack of supervision.

They watched horrendously violent slasher movies. I will not allow that in my house, there’ll be no R rated movies here, yet I’ve heard other mothers say, “well, they’ll find some way to watch these movies, I may as well allow it here at home where I can supervise them.”

If that’s the case, then where do these Mamas draw the line? Do they allow co-ed sleepovers or premarital sex while drinking alcohol? Get real, mothers, this is why you’ve been put in charge of your children.

Children want and need limits. My 17 year old daughter, Miriam, adopted at age 11, told me last night about a mom who she perceived as afraid of the wrath of an adopted daughter, allowing this daughter to do whatever she wanted, choosing by inaction, to avoid potential conflict.

“Doesn’t Mrs. So and So care what happens to Rhonda?” Miriam had plaintively asked me.

Miriam now equates concern and my over-protectiveness as love. No one previously protected Miriam, no one ever set any limits on behaviors, no one gave a good cahoot at all. Now, having been adopted for six years, feeling a Mom’s love and concern, knowing dinner’s on the table each night, clothes are washed, groceries are bought…all physical needs are met, Miriam intuitively needs limits imposed by a mother.

She’s rebelled against them as well. I caught her sneaking back in the house last summer at the crack of dawn thus resulting in a month of total restrictions, like any other teenager.

I’m not implying that Miriam either likes, or necessarily agrees with Mom’s Rules. She just appreciates having a mom who cares enough to ensure that she behaves appropriately. Rebellion will come, she’ll need to learn to set her own self-imposed limitations on behavior, but for now she needs Mom’s supervision.

Adopting older children is tricky. They yearn for a mother, yet they fight against trusting this new mother. If they allow themselves to trust her, then they are giving her the power to hurt them, to reject them as many other caretakers already seem to have done to them.

Many parents then back down from enforcing civilized behavior thus opening a horrid can of worms in which anything goes, resulting in wild, conscience-less young adults. This is simply not an option folks.