While walking in the zoo one day, I took note of how many signs they had posted that said, "Don't Feed The Animals." I thought how silly that was. What harm could it do to toss a peanut to a cute elephant or monkey?

So ok, yes I did it. I tossed some of my popcorn over the fence to the monkeys. It was fun too. Everyone was doing it. I didn't think that the monkey could be harmed by some popcorn.

Just about that moment here came a zoo attendant. He asked everyone to stop feeding the animals. A few of us asked why? What harm can it do?

The zoo attendant told us that if the popcorn gets caught in the monkeys digestive system it can cause the monkey to die. He went on to say that these are also wild animals. They do not want them so used to people that they try to escape and follow the crowd. Animals such as alligators are not meant to be hand fed and they are potential danger to their own welfare and well being if they get close to humans. The alligator then would have to be put to sleep.

Well they may not live in cages and there may not be any signs or rules that come along with them, but this same rule can apply in parenting.

As parents we tend to give to our children, wanting them to have all the things that the other children have or that we didn't have when we were little. So we spoil them rotten.

What does that do for our kids? It makes them kind and loving little people? Or does it make them expect more and more from you without learning any work ethic behind it?

Once the damage is done and you have fed your animal or child everything he wants when he wants it, then the point of positive behavior and cause and effect is badly damaged.

They know they don't need to do anything to get the reward.

Here is a good example of how I messed up. My middle daughter has been running away and doing a lot of things she is not old enough or wise enough to handle. But she is good for a week. Mom thinks wow she is really trying. So I took her and her friend to the movies. I even let her friend spend the night. A couple of days later I went shopping and there was this awesome outfit and she wanted it bad. Well, I bought it for her.

That same day before I could even get her new outfit on a hanger, she turned into a mean and nasty person. She yelled at me and when I stopped her and her dad came home, she started on him. All he did was feed the dog the edge of his bread and she was down his throat.

As usual we put her in her happy little place and told her that the dog belonged to me. If I want to feed it candy I will (which of course I won't). It was just the basic principle of her vile and angry words.

I went off to my room and dad went to work out at the gym. Obviously she was not done being mean and I heard her and her friend yelling at the top of their lungs a few moments later. When I came out of my room, I calmly walked over and picked up the shopping bags.

My daughter immediately whipped her head around and growled at me asking, "What are you doing with my stuff?" Well it was my money that bought it so it is still my stuff until I allow her to have it.

So, I told her I was returning it. That I had bought this for my daughter and that from what I could see and hear, my daughter was nowhere to be found. There was a strange alien in my living room.

Well I did as I said. I got my keys and I took the receipt and I took back that beautiful outfit. When I got home the house was quiet.

For several days the house was quiet and my daughter even did a few chores. Then as I knew it would. We had an appointment for her that next morning with the court officers. Here she came in this little lovely voice saying, "Mommy?" (mind you she usually scowls the word Mom and now I am Mommy) "Can I have my outfit to wear for court tomorrow."

This is one time I said with pride, I took it back. I did follow through. I wanted to do a happy dance right then and there. But before I could say anything else the alien returned.

So parents learn to be strong. Take it from a weakling. I have felt so sorry for my kids that it has been more of a condemnation than a conviction. I have allowed her to be an alien. Sometimes I think her head will spin and she will spew green soup all over me. But in the past few years I have become her fortress. I have been her stronghold, her stop sign on the road to hell.

I no longer feed the animal. I smile and tell it how much I love my daughter. How important she is to me. And how I will never let go of her and lose her to the world of anger.

Hold on tight and be the parent that your child needs you to be. Just like the zoo attendant. You are there to keep your animals from harm,
so stepping up and saying "NO" or returning a gift or simply not accepting the bad behavior is a big step in the right direction.