My very large family has a huge case right now of separation anxiety. For three days last weekend five teenagers were on a youth group trip, this week three are on a school trip. Our house runs lopsidedly without all family members. Nothing seems right, everything is way off kilter. I have a lot of wide-eyed children.

Coming out of foster care, my children have all been traumatized by multiple placements, deep losses, abuse and neglect. Their finely tuned radars detect anything amiss…anything at all. More than other children, children like mine have different ways of perceiving situations, everything is filtered through their deep fears of more loss.

For six days we’ve had empty places at the table, we have children unable to sleep when there’s an empty bed, or side of a bed. We’ve had crying jags from children finally, after years of therapy, able to verbalize their fears that the kids will never ever come home, and the more non-verbal ones just amp up their aggression and destructive tendencies.

You’d think with 20 something other kids still here, the loss of three sets of footsteps wouldn’t be noticed…but it is noticed all the more. Every single child in our family is so unique, fills such a special spot in our family that when even one is not following a usual pattern of existence, the other kids are whacked out about it.

Everyone seems to be more on edge, eyes following my every move as if they suspect I’m behind the disappearance, that I finally got fed up. Yet we’d discussed for months both trips, all schedules and return dates. Doesn’t matter here to traumatized children. I could have dissected a frog’s brain in front of them, and asked them later what did I serve for dinner, and all they would have heard from me is, “Allen is not here,” their deepest fear realized.

Some of the younger kids are highly anxious, bordering on barely controlled hysteria, so deep are their fears. Reassurance doesn’t come easily.

By tomorrow night, when all kids are back home, excitedly telling their travel stories, order will be restored, and more of my children will begin to understand that this truly is forever.