From a reader, IMG1567, “We worked with them every day, paid for tutors, had them evaluated over and over and begged for services at school only to be told that there wasn't anything wrong with them that couldn't be fixed if we just made them "buckle down" and finish their work.”

She is exactly right; this is the prevailing thought from teachers. It is a logical assumption but it has no place on our planet. The adoption of older children requires a very different mindset. Our children were traumatized over and over, their needs not met, they were abused and neglected and they were never correctly able to bond or to feel safe.

How can they then be expected to study?

Their minds are a whirling mess. They test us, they test the schools. They act out and they rage, they explode and they have many diagnoses that preclude normal learning. They can’t sit still, they tear up papers, turn pencils into slivers, dissect Bic pens, pull at their clothing, fidget, stare into space, doodle, fight with others, cuss and obsess over their many disappointments and fears. There is absolutely no part of them that comprehends the necessity of an education.

It has taken me many years to truly comprehend this situation and I used to be a media specialist in the public school system, sharing with students a love of books and reading, research techniques and computers. I loved school, I was a grade grubber and I grew up in a family of high achievers.

That should translate into all my kids doing their homework, right? Oh heck no. Every day is a battle, every chore is a war. I’ll even accept C grades, I’ll be thrilled with a C, it would indicate effort.

I do not know what the answer is at all. I do not know how to inject focus and curiosity into children whose previous existence never reached up to either the poverty level or a decent subsistence. They lived harshly and it shows in them even now.

All I can do is keep trying, gently pushing and encouraging. Like my commenter, it’s not my fault, I cannot make them buckle down and work. I can only continue to take the blame for what others perceive as slacking off while I keep searching for ways to help my very damaged children who look so nice on the outside.

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