In a world where yelling and using loud voices seems like the normal thing in most families, it sure is not aceptable discipline. When both the parent and the child are so upset that they cannot keep a normal voice control, it is better to agree to take a time out and return to the conversation at a later moment when both parties can talk calmly.

Yes, yelling is a way to express emotional anger. It can also lead to the escalation and onset of physical anger and abuse.

No one is above the breaking point. We are all human. Like it or not we can and will lose our cool from time to time.

One place that it is not an effective moment to lose control is when disciplining a child. That is when discipline becomes punishment and often you deal more harshly with your child if you are fueled with anger.

Thus, comes the reason for today's article. Getting face to face with your child. Sitting your son or daughter down, where you both can look into each other's eyes. Then talk calmly.

No, a parent does not need to justify why or why not, they may choose a form of decision. However if you do take a few moments to express to your child the importance of the reasoning behind your decision, it sometimes helps them understand.

By being face to face and talking calmly you can present yourself more openly, allowing the child to know you love and respect them. But you are in fact the parent and the decision on things lies within your judgement.

Face to face conversation helps you to know your child much better than if both parties are walking around in different rooms, screaming at one another.

I know that in sexual abuse cases, often in therapy, they use the face to face program. It is much harder to lie when you are face to face with someone. It also helps confirm and create an atmosphere where the child can learn to take responsibility for his or her own actions.

That is one of the major lessons in healing from sexual abuse. Taking responsibility for your own behavior and owning what you have done. For the offender. It also helps the victim to realize that nothing they have done caused them to be the victim. People just make very bad choices at times in their life. Owning their own problem through the help of a therapist and the face to face approach to abuse can help an offender to choose not to offend again.

In my years as a foster/adoptive mom, I have learned that getting face to face in a more private area can help a child who often will take the easy way out by lying to own their own actions. It has worked a lot better than humiliation and confrontations of loud voices. Of course we are a family and we have had our moments of loud voices and nosey neighbors too.

When you foster care, it is like giving all the neighborhood a magnifying glass and hearing aids. They are as much into your business as you are. But most of us do not mind that and we are an open book. If you are trying your best you have nothing to hide.

Remember tears are healthy and help begin healing. If you learn to go face to face with your child and talk things out, you will also learn that emotions run high and, instead of screaming, tears often become common ground.

When this happens it is call for a good hug, some tissues and, a lot of patience. Do not stop talking. Encourage the child to talk. To express how they are feeling. Often times you learn that the child already knows what they did was wrong. They even knew they would be in trouble. But for some odd reason they chose to do it any way.

Isn't this just part of life? Making good and bad decisions. If we allow enough room for the child to take responsibility, it usually will happen.

I have never seen a problem solved by yelling mean words at one another. It just makes the wounds deeper.

So food for thought... Next time try face to face.