“I am getting married and my future husband and I have decided that although we are both capable of having kids, we will adopt 2-3 older kids. Problem is, we are not even married yet, and his family is already doing bad remarks about our plans.”

This was a comment I’d received and I’ve thought about it for a few days.

A couple of thoughts here from a woman who has been divorced twice and is obviously not a great choice to answer a marriage question.

That said, marriage and the adoption of older children might be two of the most stressful life events on earth. Combine the two and…OUCH.

My gut feeling is to advise you to enjoy being married first for a few years or so, make your marriage strong and secure before you adopt, of course before you have children, bio or adoptive.

My family, fortunately, has always been strongly supportive yet I’ve heard from many other people the insensitive, ugly remarks that they’ve endured. If it were me, if I was certain I’d heard from God on the issue, then there’s no comment, no ill formed opinion nor anything else that would stop me from proceeding where I felt I should go.

Faith also blogged about this very issue today.

One of my many heroes, Napoleon Hill, suggests that one should not even bother discussing one’s plans with the naysayers. Find yourself some strong, pro-adoption supporters; you’ll certainly need these confidants later.

I don’t know if this reader is going to adopt transracially, that’ll likely engender even more negativity. A friend recently asked me if I had any older children who’d work for her, help her with yard work since she’d had surgery. Another lady, that I did not know, spoke up in a disdainful tone, “Just go to Home Depot and find yourself some Mexican,” as in our county, the day laborers wait there for work.

I’m the mom to many Hispanic children and my eyes bugged out in shock. I didn’t know what to say, my blood pressure pumped up, and my friend was instantly embarrassed at the ugliness of this other woman.

That was such an unusual situation for me, as I rarely encounter anyone who’d act like that to me simply because I choose carefully who I do business with, even in terms of friends, acquaintances and resources.

My parents, children during The Great Depression, sometimes spend too much time expressing and obsessing over their fears or worries. That could drag me down if I let it, but I don’t. They live with me, now nearly 80 years old, both of them are still healthy and active, and they help me as much as they can. Their presence alone, another generation, serves a purpose here in providing another level of love and security for my wildly needy children.

And to my children I encourage a positive attitude, inner strength and optimism;much as I’d like to impart this to this reader who’d questioned me about mean comments. Hold your head up; follow your heart, carefully planning your steps to go where God leads you.