"Nothing is too small to know, and nothing is too big to attempt. The biggest things are always the easiest to do because there is no competition." (William Van Horne)

I’ve received several emails lately from adoptive parents who are frustrated with their social workers, mainly because these young, childless professionals do not understand the desire to have a large family.

First off I’d like to say that my large family grew over a very long period of time. I’ve been parenting for almost 34 years. My worker then would not have allowed us to grow quickly. She always made sure that time elapsed between adoptions, she examined my motives, my resources and my family dynamics plus she held me very accountable at all times.

I examined my own motives as well. Why did I want a large family? It boiled down to the simple fact that I totally enjoyed parenting my kids, I felt we had a lot to offer, and that we wanted to share all this with others.

At some point I clearly felt that I did not want to adopt again, I knew my limits. I knew that I’d reached my limits, but like The Peter Principle, I did not want to test myself and push myself to extend those limits. I stopped adopting before I felt I’d reached my capacity.

We grew quite large because I never faced competition. I did not adopt children that had a stack of waiting home studies. Usually I was the only appropriate study submitted. Other adoptive parents wanted younger, or less troubled, children. I did not ever submit my study on a sibling group that had more issues than I felt I could handle. I was ultra careful, I read between the lines, and I sought counsel each time.

These aren’t pound puppies, these are needy and beautiful human beings, and it would not have been fair to children if I’d overwhelmed myself, foolishly thinking that love would conquer all.

Often we get very young caseworkers who do not understand our desire to sacrificially parent. We parents are way past the party stage in life, we are settled and secure. Young social workers sometimes just don’t get it, telling us, “I can’t even take care of myself much less a kid.”

Well no kidding? But we can. A 41 year old parent with 7 children recently wrote to me venting her frustration over this issue. Find a more supportive caseworker is all I can tell her. Interview the workers, lay out your dreams and hopes for the future, find a caseworker who understands.

I want others to understand that a large family is hard, challenging work. There are few, if any, breaks. Proceed slowly, very slowly with as much help as you can find. Do not be a collector of children, be a parent. Be ready to sacrifice everything; your finances, your sleep, food, relationships with others at times, and your own needs.

I still believe it’s all worth it.