Just as a suspected drunk driver made a very poor choice, one minute enjoying himself, drinking the night away, the next minute realizing he killed a mother and four children, so too was the unintentional creation of my children. Likely the drunk driver will serve time and then drink himself into oblivion every time he allows himself to think about what he has done.

Most of my children were created with zero thought as to either their future or any concern whatsoever that one particular night of sex would lead to a human being that they, the parents, would not take care of for any length of time or with any deep consideration.

Then I, like all other adoptive moms, try and parent children who feel unvalued. It is up to us to teach them that they are wonderful children with a great deal of potential. They’ll fight us every step of the way as their primal wound is so profoundly deep.

Maybe it would have been easier if my children had not paraded through a series of foster homes and emergency shelters or if many adults had not made empty promises.

I look back and see that it has taken many more years than I ever thought before my children will ever begin to trust me. Some don’t trust me until after they’ve grown up and started their adult lives. Some trust sooner but none trust me immediately.

After a long holiday season here, complete with a birth family member reunion and my own brothers visiting, today my children have literally howled. Fussing with each other, nutting up, squabbling, pushing my buttons, and blatantly disobeying me at every chance in their immature, transparent attempts at pushing me away when all they need are hugs, I’ll be very happy to return to our school routine next week.

So will the kids. Several have mentioned that they miss their teachers, and several will melt down at the thought of leaving home for the day. It’s a constant roller coaster and precarious balance of emotions each and every day with so many issues intertwined and challenges springing up constantly.

And so it goes in the adoption of older children.

Photo Credit Cindy Bodie