November 16th, 2006
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Categories: How to...

Some times the most natural things in life seem to be the hardest to achieve. Feeling close to or bonding with your child can be one of these important issues to achieve. In more cases than we would like to admit.
Bonding with an Adopted child is a long and difficult task.

For some children who just seem to radiate love. They learn quickly to give and release positive emotional balance. They usually adjust to family life well and find their place to fit in.

However for a child who has been in multiple placements. Their level of emotional stability is shaken to the core. They can not adjust easily and seem to have a difficult time bonding with new adoptive families and parents.


Here are some tips to help you bond with this type of child:

1). Be consistent. Every morning and all day long
let them know you enjoy having them in your home.

2). Use the power of Touch. A warm hug, A pat on their back. A caress to their hand. What ever amount of touching they seem to be comfortable with.
Be sure to give them. This will establish a closer bond. Let them know a good touch is something to treasure. We all need that close human contact.

3). Respect their privacy. But knock on their bedroom door and go in and talk to them when ever possible. Allow them to let you into their private space as they are more comfortable with you.

4). Smile and keep your voice on a warm scale when talking with your child. The more love and attention they see coming from you. The faster they will learn to trust and care for you.

5). Make sure that when discipline is needed that it is not to harsh. Think about what happened and why it might have happened. Allow the child to explain to you how it happened. Communication is very important in the art of bonding. Discipline should be used wisely.

6). Use T. V. and the time before bed to read a book and establish cuddle moments.

7). Give positive compliments as often as possible.
Hugs are always a positive gift of affection.

8). Remember bonding takes time. Be sure and take things slowly and express your feelings as they come to you naturally and consistently. “I love you” or I love when you do that….comments that express feelings are always a welcomed sound.

9). Be who you are. Let your child get to know you on a personal level. When they realize you are just who you are and they can relax and be who they are. The stress of bonding seems to fade into the back ground and allow you and your child an even ground to stand on.

Enjoy your new child and your new family. Bonding takes time and it will happen one moment at a time.
Love grows with trust and security.

If you can add any other wonderful ways to bond with your child to this post….please leave a comment. Your ideas are always welcomed.

2 Responses to “How To Bond With Your Child”

  1. Dr. G says:

    hi Shar, it’s been a while since i’ve left a comment on your blog, although i read all the time. this is a neat post. i’d like to add that although bonding takes time, parents should be pretty persistent about making it happen. even if the kid tries to initially reject it. for older kids who attempt to reject a parents bonding overtures i always recommend using the phrasing “i know it feels awkward but we are going to practice anyway, until it feels right” and then go on to let the child know what you will be doing and how he or she needs to react. For example, “in our family we hug and kiss and say good night, i love you, i’ll see you in the morning. so when i do that then you have to practice hugging and kissing me back and saying the same thing.” or whatever other developmentally appropriate bonding practices you might practice in your home.

  2. Sharlene says:

    Dr. G,

    As always that is a wonderful way of expressing what being persistant means.

    Thank you for your imput. I totally agree with your suggestions. It is not always easy to wake up the emotional responces of an older child. They need lots of hugs and kind words to help them fit in.


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