When looking at the photolistings for "Children Awaiting Adoption," you will see an area under the picture after the description which will say Physical, Emotional, Mental, and Learning. After each of these areas you will find a listing with one word. It may say None, Minimum, Moderate or Severe.

All four areas will be filled in. It is very important to ask what each of these areas mean and how they were determined to be moderate or severe if listed.

What may be severe to you could be mild or moderate to a seasoned worker. What may be listed as severe to a new worker may just be moderate to you. It depends on your level of experience with children.

Most of us see a picture and fall in love with the child behind those eyes. In the Michigan MARE Book now there is a child who could be the exact twin to my daughter Angela. I inquired about her due to the fact that her birth mom has had so many children and it could be possible that one or more has gotten lost in the system. The last time we stopped counting she had given birth 17 times. All of the children had ended up taken and relinquished to the state of Michigan.

I know when my children were tagged as Mild Emotional. Someone messed up. They were severely emotionally injured, nuch of which occurred in the Foster Care system.

When we would walk in to the adoption center we could hear people gasp and say "There go the "S" Children." And they were not meaning it nicely.

We were told that our children were the worst that had ever come into the center. Now I believe them, but it took me ten years to understand what they meant.

But even in all our trials to raise the kids. I would not trade one day with them for a thousand years of serenity. They have filled my life and brought me much heart ache and great joy. But yes they were a handful.

If you are not ready to handle children with great issues, make sure that you meet your child in a pre adopt placement. Six months should be enough time to make a good decision but the longer the placement the better for you and your family. Since there are those evil honeymoon periods that every child goes on.

During these moments they could sprout wings and a halo and make you belive they can fly. It is only after they feel at home and part of the family that they learn to push your buttons and show you who they really are. Even then they are or could be in a protective mode that pushes you to the limit to see if you really do want them. It can take more than a year for a child to really settle in and just be who they are. This is one reason I prefer adoption through foster care. It gives you time to get to know one another.

The new rules to place a child in a pre adopt home quickly can be good and bad at the same time. There is no lemon law on adoption. Adoptions are seldom resended. So the better your questions the more developed the answers. Ask lots of questions to the child, about the child and about their experiences in the birth family.

It will save you and your child a lot of hard work in the long run.