Family ties are the strongest ropes in the world. There is nothing more durable and heart warming than the links that God places into each family unit.

Sometimes things change and the mommy and daddy just do not get along anymore. In those moments our kids feel like their world is ending. Everything is coming apart at the seams. They don't know who to blame or what to do to solve the problems.

Family Counseling is always a good idea at this time in life. For the kids and for the parents too. Parents should try everything before they even consider divorce. They owe it to each other and they owe it to the children.

However if it is just not going to get any better and divorce is necessary, then preparing the children and providing them with as little disruption as possible is the best way to go about things.

Children should never be the fence in between two arguing parents. When the divorce is final and things are more settled, you should talk to your children and hear how they are doing emotionally before you ever decide to bring a new person into the home. Even for dinner.

Yes, the children need to get used to it but it does take time. If you are considerate of their feelings and allow them healing time, then the transition into a new life will be smoother for everyone involved.

Especially for kids of adoption who have lived a life of broken homes and broken dreams. Once they find new parents they want to keep them. Dad will always be dad and mom will always be mom no matter what and they need to know this. Visitation should be set up immediately for all the kids.

When things settle down then maybe a meeting with the new person at the park on neutral ground will work. If the kids do not talk much or interact with the new person, that is normal and they should not be scolded or punished for their feelings. These things take time.

Family counseling again is very valuable at these moments in life. The kids need a person to talk to who they can trust with their innermost feelings. That may not be you or your ex partner for some time. But relationships will begin again when the stress works its way into the present and passes through the sadness.

There are other times that new people will be introduced into the life of your new family. They could be old friends from college or relatives that come into town from out of state. Or maybe a visit from a birth family member if your adoption is an open adoption.

In which case it is always good to meet the new people some other place than your home for the first time. You do not want the kids to feel that their safe place has been intruded upon again.

During the meeting ask the children if they would like to invite the person to their new home. If the meeting has gone well they will smile and tell you yes. If you can see that the meeting has been hard on the kids then don't mention meeting again until you can talk alone with your children. Just exchange telephone numbers.

Diner out at a public restaurant is always a good choice. As well as the park if it is an afternoon meeting. Kid's feel more safe when there are lots of other people around.

Just remember ...what is best for the child may not always be best for the adults. But the children should always come first in the harmful situations of life.