e-mail
When adopting an older child or older children you must prepare for kids who may or may not have had the same hygiene training as we are used to. I have touched on this before in the following posts:
Bathroom Stratagies Part one and two.
Since I wrote the above posts I have had some more experience with this fun, fun, fun subject.
While visiting our therapist last week I was venting on the lack of toilet paper use with Mita and Enu. She suggested that I start providing the girls with the flushable wet wipes that toddlers use. As we have an old house with an old plumbing system and I don’t want to push it much (flushable doesn’t always mean flushable), but I think having the kids clean themselves once a day with a wet wipe and putting it in the trash can may help out in the hygiene department.
Another tactic I have used lately in dealing with the girls’ appearance is to: JUST LET IT GO. This is very hard to do, but I have decided that allowing my children to sometimes go to school with not the best hairdo or with an outfit on that doesn’t quite match. This goes against everything I feel in my gut, but I was so tired of the morning ritual that seemed to beat them down more than lift them up. So Mita has gone to school with a pony tail that made me cringe and Enu wore a Christmas dress last week with multi-colored tights. They both were so proud of themselves for getting ready themselves, I complemented them on their efforts.
Dropping them off at school I made an effort to look at the other children. What do you know, my kids aren’t the only messy headed, creative dressing children!
I put a lot more pressure on myself as a mother since adopting Mita and Enu. More than I ever did with Meg and Elle. this is my problem, not theirs and I have to deal with it. I was so worried in the beginning that they would be judged harshly if they looked a certain way. They are just kids learning like all the other children. I would encourage all parents who have adopted older children or who are considering adopting and older child to make an effort to relax on the appearance part of your child’s behavior. Of course my children are dressed appropriate and they are not dirty, but I have to let go of the stain-free, wrinkle-free, everything matches mentality that I have forced upon them. The struggle only pulls me down and makes them feel bad about themselves.
Thank you for this. We’ve had an 8 year old young lady come to us out of foster care and her hygiene is a nightmare…for ME! I have to tell myself to make sure she is clean and healty and LET IT GO!