A stinky situation!
My girls simply hate to use their quilts or blankets, even as they appear to be freezing. I have found them with all the blankets in the floor, and their legs stuffed into the pillow cases to stay warm!
God figure huh?

I wonder if the sheet/bed-making issues are sensory to some degree (caused by the drug use). I say this because I have 3 kids who came to me as infants, and they do this too. I'll find top sheets stuffed into cupboards in the hall outside of their rooms and when I go to put them back on, I find that the bottom sheet in twisted up and at the bottom of the bed, they've been either sleeping on the bare mattress or the mattress pad; they either have every sheet/blanket they can find on the bed in a jumble or as few as possible (non-dependent of the temp.).

They've not been seriously deprived since birth (for very long anyway since we got them at NB, 10mo and 25 mos), yet they destroy every little thing they get. My 12 yo daughter LOVES jewelry and would beg me to buy her some every time we were at the store. I would find all of her necklaces and bracelets dis-assembled, the charms in one little box under her bed, the broken chains in another container in her jean drawer - no rhyme or reason at all, just constant destruction, picking at things until there were holes, getting scissors and slicing their matching blankets/comforters. Now, I buy the cheapest stuff I can find, knowing it's not long for this world, if I buy anything at all. I make them do chores for everything I agree to buy (how bad do you really want this), that's cut back on the requests too.

As far as hygiene goes, I have to constantly demand they brush their teeth, hair (and of course watch or they won't do it anyway). One daughter uses 1/2 a bottle of shampoo in the shower (and has shoulder length hair), the other uses a dab the size of a penny (and has thick hair to the middle of her back). My kids will also put dirty clothes (sometimes even folded nicely) back into their drawers, but throw clean clothes back into the laundry instead of putting them away. CRAZINESS!! Our sock basket is getting way too big - full of missing socks that end up being found in the toybox, under beds, under mattresses, in the pockets of coats they haven't worn in months - you get the idea. If that were their only issue, I think I could get by, of course it isn't so it irritates the tar out of me!!

I've cut back on how many clothes I leave in their rooms/drawers, but that always ends up back firing when we need a specific type of outfit that I have to dig out of storage.

I believe it's how their brains are mis-wired from the drugs and alcohol their parents consumed in-utero. Of course, there's also the genetic component - do we really expect kids whose parents only have a 8th grade education (because they just couldn't go beyond that level academically) to excel in school? There are the exceptions of course and that's a wonderful thing, but for the majority of kids in foster care, their parents weren't the brightest bunch to begin with. Then we expect them to get cause and effect logic and learn when we tell them they have to clean their rooms and take care of their things?

A friend of mine has told me for years that the first batch of kids she got from foster care 27-30 years ago was no problem at all compared to the types of kids she's getting now. Their issues are much more severe and much more resistant to counseling, medications, etc. than she's ever seen. That's scary, what are kids in foster care going to be like in another 10-20 years?

LOL, that was supposed to be GO figure, but I guess only God can figure why our kids do stuff like this.

You have no idea how reassuring it is to read the post and the comments. Good news, my kids are 'normally abnormal' or is it 'abnormally normal'. I have also seen a large shift in the degree of the problems the kids come home with over the last 24 years.

Top sheets are evil, I have even considered not buying them anymore. A throw pillow would have to be built like a bridge, an open invitation to warfare. Comforters are used to cover themselve with when they are too lazy to get dress, but are never on the bed. It is a strange world. John

AMEN Cindy! We fight the same battles here. None of my kids have liked top sheets, even those not exposed to drugs and/or alcohol. Hygiene seems to become an issue when one starts to notice that the opposite sex prefers clean mates.

Oh Wow--something I can contribute to!

Comforters stuffed inside Duvets work for my kids. No top sheets needed.

For the bottom sheet, I buy old suspenders from Goodwill--they will stretch perfectly on the underside of a double bed to hold the bottom sheet on all four corners. This makes the sheet very tight, which is less easy to dislodge by a restless sleeper. This works particularly well if one is suing a vinyl, zippered mattress cover for a bed-wetter, because those covers make it impossible to keep the bottom sheet on the mattress.

For one of my kids with sensory issues, I just used on top blanket, but it was weighted around the edges and in an X accross the middle (1"seams) with sand.

My kids (bio, not drug-exposed) are exactly like this - top sheets are evil, comforters are for extra padding instead of covering, and pillowcases are for removing. It was really annoying at first, but now I consider it a blessing. I simply make them dress in layers (in the winter), and provide an extra blanket to cuddle with, wad up, or stuff into corners during the nights' sleep. Then all it takes to make the bed is to fold the blanket in the morning and toss the pillow up at the top of the bed. Forget the throw pillows! They're a lost cause! I have to admit that as a child I also always despised all the sheets and the comforters, and pillows. Since my kids ended up thinking the same way (Evidently), I've decided that the instinct must be correct, adn I've finally adopted their way of using bedcovers. What a relief!

What a blessing this site is! I have recently adopted an older child--14--and as a single, never-before parent, I am struggling in many aspects. My family tends to minimize the experiences--especially the two-year old tantrums. My friends have no concept. And because my child is so charming to others (attachment disorder), most seem to suggest that it might be my over-protective parenting strategies. So, I am very much walking the tight rope. She has never had supervision, parenting, or structure. I, too, am delaying getting her driving permit, allowing over-night sleepovers elsewhere, allowing unsupervised time anywhere. But, again, because many people don't understand the balance of encouraging independence while teaching family values, developing a relationship, and introducing parenting and supervision, I fight not only my child, but--it feels--most everyone.