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School is a big deal for every child and every parent. When to start school for your older adopted child can be tricky. Every child and parent is different of course so there is no “this way is the right way.” Single parents or families with both parents working out of the home have to consider child care/school earlier than families where one parent stays at home.
I will go over a few ways parents have handled this situation and how we handled it with our family. Please comment on what your family did and how it worked out for you and your child.
If your older child was adopted domestically there is a chance that they will be in the same school district as before and will not need to miss any school at all. If that is the case, the normal school routine will probably be good for the transition period. Meeting with the teachers, school administration and the counselor would be a great thing to do.
With a domestic older child adoption that requires a change of schools I think taking some time off school would be in order. Let your child get to know your home life first and work on the bonding. Of course how much time depends on your child’s developmental level, social history, acedemic history and behavior. Starting a new school is very difficult, especially if your child has had a traumatic past.
Older child international adoption has the language aspect as well. Most likely your child is still early in the learning of English. You may recieve advice to put your child into school ASAP to get the language learning on the fast track. I have talked with two parents who have enrolled their children from an International adoption within two weeks of coming home. I admit, I cringed with this knowledge. It is so easy for kids who have been in orphanges or childcare homes to only bond with other children. Some concentrated home time is a muct in my humble opinon. To be fair these other families had very different parenting styles and we didn’t “mesh” on many topics.
Some keep their child home and work with them until the next semester or a new school year. Homeschooling is very popular with adoptive families, as it keeps the kids and parents close together and the child can learn on his/her own timeline.
Most parents I have talked with keep their kids home for a few months then send them off to school or start homeschooling for short periods of time daily and mainly just concentrate on English.
We brought our kids home in April and my original plan was to homeschool them until after Christmas break. They of course had other plans! They missed being with other kids and learned so quickly that they were ready for school at the end of August. We had worked on writing, reading and math all summer and of course we talked,talked and talked all the time to work on English. I had also put them in a summer program two times a week with my oldest daughter. There they worked on social skills like standing in line, raising their hands, taking turns and such. These social skills are very important as kids don’t like kids who “cut” or cannot wait in line.
A few things I would consider before sending your kids to traditional school:
1) How is the attachment and bonding going? If you feel that your child is “parent shopping” it may be best to keep him/her home a while longer. You want them to have a good relationship with their teacher, but not a deeper relationship than you have with them though.
2) How are they in social situations? If they are picking their nose a lot, having problems with handling utensils or listening to adults, school could be hard for them. Set up some play dates and watch them interact with other kids who are aware of the situation and can be helpful. Cousins or older siblings are great rescources and allow you to observe them with other children.
3) Talk with your school district. Do they have an ESL program? Remember your child isn’t ESL, unless you are speaking their native language at home. Most of our kids forget their first language as they learn English. A lot of schools may want to put them in ESL, when it might not be the best place for them. If your schools are flexible and very easy to work with, I would feel comfortable with them. If they are pushy and don’t want to listen to you and your opinon, I would wait a while. Your child is YOUR CHILD. No one understands them like you do. That said, schools can offer invaluable experience and be incredible helpful with your family situation.
My advice is to go slow. There will be time for schooling. Family time is what is important right now.
well