“A budget crisis in Rhode Island has forced the state to contemplate difficult cuts, including services meant to ease the transition of foster kids who have "aged out" of the system.

If the cuts are made, former foster kids between the ages of 18-21 would no longer receive the aid that helps them pay for things like school, rent and health insurance."

What?

Some of the most tenuous members of society, are being forced to take it in the gut? Who doesn’t understand that society would be forced to pay even more to the prison system to house uneducated, unsupported children who’ve aged out of the foster care system?

I’m not even going to jump into a rant against aging out, the researchable statistics are all over the web, easy to find.

I’d rather remind us parents, that are in the trenches, with our own children who were adopted from the foster care system, that we are making a difference, even when it does not seem like it.

I have a kid in jail, one who made massively poor choices, and who pooped on every chance he was given. But the main difference now is that he does have a family, he’s not alone, his three siblings are here, and he has accountability. He knows we are not proud of him, and that knowledge hurts in our family. We don’t necessarily dwell on the negativity, talk about who’s in jail, rather we seem to be visibly excited over each other’s accomplishments, and subsequently the high achiever of the moment loves it and basks in it.

Therefore, in a logical world, one would seek the positive attention…right?

Not necessarily in our world is this so, but eventually it becomes the norm. It just takes a very, very long time. If I have nothing else, I do have experience and I have survived. I have older, tough children who’ve grown up to make me proud, with missteps, faltering and failings that have evolved into stepping stones to success. A long, hard, bumpy road to a good future. It can be done; I’m not giving adoptive parents false hopes. I promise that I’m not just filling one’s heads with cotton candy elusive dreams.

The hardest thing for me has been in loving them through the hatred that seems to be directed at me. It stems from their original families, from their deep sense of abandonment and rejection, and their resulting behavior is designed unconsciously to push me away; to fulfill their feelings of unworthiness, to make me act like everyone else did to them.

But I won’t leave. I haven’t, and I won’t. There’s certainly times that I want to do so, but I haven’t and I won’t. They’ll up the ante, raise the stakes, ratchet up their behavior to make me go, but I’m as stubborn as a mule, I’m here to stay.

That’s all they need.