Those of you who have known or have adopted a child that has severe abuse in their back ground must already know that the trauma of it never really goes away.

We were fortunate enough to find one of the most wonderful children's therapists still walking this earth. We called her Dr. Gabby.

I have met several therapists in my time with my adopted children. But Dr. Gabby is by far the most heartwarming and educationally accurate therapist of them all.

She knows how to treat the family like each person is important. Her smile and her forwardness helps you to feel open and as if you can talk about anything. Which of course you can.

As a parent she led us through some very difficult times. As my older daughter was preparing for her wedding, our middle daughter was having tantrums. As we prepared for the wedding reception my oldest daughter just froze up on us like she had no opinions at all.

I pulled her aside and said "Honey this is your wedding. Your big day. We need your input." She broke into tears. Wedding jitters? No.
It was flashbacks of abuse. She felt unclean like she should not wear white. Tons of emotions fled from her and thank goodness for Dr. Gabby.

She had told me that several times in life when we become serious in a relationship, when we marry or when we have a child or lose a loved one, the abuse issues rise and once again they must be dealt with.

With each occurrence. The hurt dissipates. The burden becomes lighter, and healing begins again. Dr. Gabby was my key to understanding my daughters. Both had suffered severe abuse and both just seemed to freeze up or freak out when anything major happened in life.

It is so much easier as a parent if you understand the "why?" when things are happening to your children. It helps you to give them the space they need and apply your skills as a parent to help them
get through the pain.

Anyone who thinks you can go to therapy and all of a sudden you see the light and you are healed is not living in a world of reality.

Therapy helps you revisit the incidents and face them. Learn to talk about them. And survive. It teaches you how to cope when the feelings are triggered again and with each issue you become stronger. It helps you to give yourself room to cry. To release the shame and the guilt. To know that it was not your fault. To understand that sometimes bad things just happen.

Bad things happen to good people all the time. It is in how you handle it and how you go on with your life that is most important. You can't allow the person who hurt you to destroy your quality of life. If you do, then they win. If you take it as it is, face it, then live your life fully, then you win.

So be gentle when you handle things in therapy. Even if it will never go away and cannot be erased, it can be survived.

Thank you Dr. Gabby from the bottom of my heart for helping me to open my eyes and my heart and to know it never goes away. Life just goes on around it, until it really isn't such an issue anymore.