My 18 year old just called me from jail...the ultimate out-of-home placement. He was arrested on a probation violation; he actually turned himself in, as I’d advised him to do. He’d been calling me, telling me he was just going to run from the law, and I hounded him to do the right thing.

It wasn’t just my words that made him do this, although he does like to make me proud. I wish he could see that it’s kind of hard to be proud under these specific circumstances. But, in parenting older, traumatized children, I’ve learned to take my odd moments of pride whenever they appear. I know that his story is far from over, I know from years of experience that this dead-end is sometimes a new beginning, using an obstacle as a stepping stone, not as a stumbling block.

And then again, I have a genetic ability to see the light at the end of the tunnel, almost at all times, in almost all situations. This is a self-proclaimed, “I have to learn things the hard way,” kid. His brain doesn’t quite function like everyone else’s does, he has the usual alphabet soup of diagnoses that has all contributed to muddled thinking; an inability to even understand the concept of cause and effect much less the parameters of that theory on a daily basis.

My adoption of him wasn’t even final until this past year, when I adopted him as a felon. He could have successfully completed the entire first offender status and had, at least, a somewhat cleaner record, but he chose to violate the reasonable restrictions placed upon him.

And, on the one hand, I’m happy that he’s safe from himself right now, I’m glad that he’s being taken care of by the authorities, and likely can’t get into deeper trouble there in the county jail.

But, he has another court date, for another violation, in ten days and he will probably be sentenced to a diversion center, one step down from prison if I understand this correctly.

My positive reframing of this situation involves me feeling as if he’s simply going away to school, a forced GED situation that he needs and will not complete on his own.

I am embarrassed, as the arrest record is in the county newspaper each week, and this arrest won’t go unnoticed. I hate to think that it could potentially discourage anyone from adopting older children as so many of mine, so far all of mine, in their twenties, have calmed down, gotten educations, married, bought houses and are living wonderful lives.

The middle part of adoption, after the honeymoon period and until their early or mid-twenties can certainly try one’s patience and sanity..…today’s understatement.