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I once thought when my 39 children were grown, that I’d be overflowing with free time, having earned it the hard way including my 25 years in the public school system.
The more grandchildren I have, the less free time it seems I’ll ever have and then there are the legions of issues emanating from my grown children. Even parents of birth children know that age 18 means nothing.
A mom recently pointed out the obvious that I’d never noticed before. In today’s economy no one is able to make an adequate living on minimum wage, rents aren’t what they used to be when I was a young adult, and jobs are increasingly hard to come by. No wonder so many young adults struggle.
I’m halfway through my parenting, halfway by the numbers with 19 grown, but while I’ve parented for 34 years, I still have 13 more years to go until everyone hits the non-magic age of 18.
What I’ve really found surprising is the number of my children who apparently paid zero attention to every lecture I ever delivered around here regarding personal finance, balancing a checkbook, saving money or paying bills.
I find it equally as surprising that even when hit with the consequences, such as eviction or their cell phone cut off, they don’t learn from this experience. How many past due bills must one receive in order to understand the bigger picture?
I remind myself every day that the adoption of older children means not only lost valuable years in which we could have bonded and they could have been nurtured, but the double whammy of the lost years involving neglect and abuse.
Their birth mother’s pregnancies meant in utero dosages of alcohol and drugs, poor nutrition and other traumas that have made their brain synapses misfire and other neurological mishaps. That’s not a scientific explanation; rather it’s my own personal observations of my children with memory and focus problems.
I reign in my irritation at these constant bumps in the road, I sigh at the fact that likely I won’t get to go to the Atlanta Braves Spring Training Games for a very long time, and I hug and love on my grandchildren who have all been spared the hell that their parents endured before adoption. And I applaud my children for making that fact possible.
Photo Credit Cindy Bodie 2008
Yes, the job market is not what is used to be. Yes, rents are sky-high and it’s so… hard to live on minimum wage, even when they keep raising it. What I can’t seem to get past though, is the fact that kids have changed so much. I guess not everyone is able to save, delay that monster called “instant gratification” etc. but then they reap those rewards (not). I was married at 18, had a baby at 19, bought a house at 19, had more babies at 20, 21 and 22….my husband made $5.30/hr. (it was the mid-late 80’s). I rarely worked during the first few years because I was always pregnant or taking care of babies. Things were tight financially but we NEVER went on welfare or borrowed from family. We didn’t eat out, we didn’t live extravagantly, but we always had everything we needed and our kids were spoiled silly – HOW could we do this? By living within our means. How you get a child to “lower themselves” to taking fast food jobs (and I know you’ve mentioned that a few of your kids have worked at the big M) or take two jobs if need be to pay their bills? The lecturing sure doesn’t do it. They all seem to need an extraordinary amount of “ME” time which makes it impossible for them to work normal hours. My daughter was scheduled for an 8 hr. shift last Saturday and she acted like it was such a hard, hard thing. I told her if she was lucky, she’d be doing that every day for the next 50 years or so.
It’s great that in spite of your grown childrens’ struggles, they are raising your grand babies successfully – imagine the possibilities with this next generation!!
HI CINDY, I’VE TRIED TO EMAIL U, BUT HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO REACH U.. COULD U CONTACT ME AT ecoastalgranny@aol.com I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS FOR U ABOUT ADOPTING SIBLING GROUPS. PLEASE HELP. THANKS!! ANYONE ELSE WHO CAN GIVE EXPERT ADVICE ABOUT ADOPTING LARGE SIBLING GROUPS PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME AS WELL. I’M ALREADY THANKFUL FORM THIS SITE!!