Enabling allows a person to avoid the consequences of their actions. I would venture to say that in the world of adult adopted children, this one is a minefield, as we parents struggle to walk the line between helping and enabling.

We want to help our grown kids become mature, responsible adults but we know that our adult children did not always have a decent childhood. If a child does not get adopted until age 13, they may have to relearn every developmental milestone properly within the context of a nurturing, stable family.

I’m finding it to be a daunting task. If initially in their life, they only knew violence and neglect, how does one relearn, during moody puberty, how to be a fully functional member of society?

Baby steps, up and down progress, patience on my part, extra resources and my own attempts to also counter what I perceive to be an overly negative, societal atmosphere. I’m fairly normal, yet I don’t feel very middle of the road. I’m deeply involved in child welfare issues, sustainable agriculture, raising a large adoptive family and attempting to try and save our planet. Call me busy, I call it involved and challenging.

I do not desire to raise irresponsible, bad attitude, littering, non-recycling, debt-ridden, materialistic kids. This may feel kind of over-the-top at times, but this is what I feel strongly called to do.

If and when my children get into trouble, they take the consequences. If they owe money, they need to repay it. I stress education, and I take the teacher’s side at school. “She failed me!” I’ve heard over and over. She failed you because you didn’t do the work correctly. Oh excuse me son, that means you must have failed yourself. Sooner or later this refrain from me gets old and I do not continue to hear a kid make excuses.

I also do not want to raise kids who see themselves as victims. Yes they came out of tough situations, but I’ve taught them that’ll make their eventual successes all the sweeter.

I’m teaching them all about the blessings of hard work, how challenges strengthen folks, and how many opportunities there are in the world for everyone. I’m a strong believer in servant leadership; I hope that’s what I’m demonstrating to my family. I don’t tend to this large group of children for either the glory or the gratitude. I do it out of love and because I deeply believe that my life is internally rewarding, that’s enough for me, I don’t struggle with that empty feeling so common to many dissatisfied individuals.

I’ve made some amazingly dumb decisions in my life and I’ve learned from each one of them. I’ve chosen some stupid roads to take at times, I’ve not always thought my actions through to a logical conclusion and I don’t expect my kids to always do right either. We all just need to accept the consequences of our choices, to mend what we’ve broken and to continue moving forward each day, learning and growing emotionally from our own actions, thoughts and choices.

Enabling would hinder that plan.