Lately we have discussed children and sexual abuse. Where is the line of safety in touching and, what is a good touch verses a bad touch? A child who has been through any type of abuse needs someone there to help them begin healing. However as parents we some times do not know how to react, especially in Foster Care.

We do not want to push the child or make them feel uncomfortable by hugging too soon, or trying to find the appropriate boundary of love that we can adorn them with.

These children are just like any other children. Even more so when it comes to needing someone to love them unconditionally and showing them that they are precious little people.

Dr. G is by far one of the most talented people I have met since our AdoptionBlogs.com blogs began. She writes the column on Adoptive Parenting
http://adoptive-parenting.adoptionblogs.com/, and she brought this up in a comment on one of the blogs I wrote.

I would love to see her write on this subject too, as a professional she understands and has worked with many families in all areas.

I can tell you from an adoptive mom's point of view and a foster mom's insight. These children need to be loved. They need to be accepted and they need to be allowed to become who they are.

I always asked first if I could have a hug whenever I saw one of the kids in my home sort of feeling down. When they hugged me I hugged back.

It was not long before they spent part of their play time as a lap puppy. They would come to me where ever I was and hug me or climb up on the chair arm and often right up into my lap. Some of our best conversations happened during these moments.

They knew what ever I was doing I would stop and give them my attentions. Today my little one came in from school and she laid her head in my lap. I ran my fingers through her hair and counted our blessings that she has never been harmed in or out of the system.

I have also wondered many times what would they be like If I could have only given birth to them myself. The bond there and the love a mother feels for her child. It is beyond normal understanding.

However even as foster parents we can give the love and nurturing to our kids just like the birth parent if and when they allow us to. Always respect their feelings. Ask for a hug. Ask for a kiss on the cheek. Don't be afraid to hug back or let them know how much you care. They need it. Some thrive on life better if they feel and accept the love you can give them. They feel safe, warm and needed.

After all isn't that what we all need to feel? It is nature to hug and smile and love each other. Just in positive ways. You can show them the difference.

My kids will come into my room and crawl in bed beside me if they need to talk. They know if my door is open they are always welcome. Even if the door is closed, if they knock I will be sure and answer.

I remember back to when my mom and her two sisters got together. Everyone would be trying to sleep and there the three of them would sneak off into one room and the laughter would begin. They even broke a bed once laughing about old times and the life they remembered so long ago. When houses had dirt floors and children shared beds.

Good love is always welcome. Good touches are always needed. Don't be afraid to be normal.