Adoption workers have often told me that when they post a photo listing of a waiting sibling group that has young kids in it, they are always bombarded with calls of, “I’ll take the little ones,” as if the older ones will somehow appreciate that kind of help?

I don’t think so.

In every case of sibling group adoption within our family, the oldest child would have fiercely fought for the right to maintain the connection within their family. Having already lost their parent(s), it is devastating to think of losing one’s siblings as well.

I adopted one particularly large sibling group, seven kids then ages 3-13, and there’d been some talk about the two youngest boys being adopted by a young couple in that town. The boys were removed, leaving behind 5 devastated older children who were not told anything.

Apparently the two boys, terrified and alone without their siblings, acted out like wild animals, unable to express their grief verbally, instead tearing things up and raging until the bewildered, inexperienced young couple simply drove back to that foster home, within the first month, and dumped the boys out.

There was an ecstatic reunion amongst the seven children, but it was short-lived as they were soon divided yet again, into different foster homes.

The eldest boy in the group, then hardly 11 years old had spent his entire life fighting to protect all the children from a drunken, violent set of parents. It had fallen on this eldest son to scrounge up food, diapers, dress the kids, and attempt to meet their needs.

They were soon sent to a paternal aunt who quickly became overwhelmed and this adoptive placement disrupted.

By the time the seven children moved in with me, they were emotionally banged-up, the oldest boy still clutching the baby, then 3, in his arms, eyes wide open, debating whether I was trustworthy or not, looking around at my other seemingly well-adjusted kids, all Hispanic, just like “his” family.

Within a week, he handed me the baby, a non-verbal indication of his willingness to trust.

I caught him crying once in his room, telling me he was simply afraid that this could all end for him at any minute, like everything else did for him. Words are never enough; it’s taken years of me walking the walk.

He’d told me before of his stark terror at losing the younger kids that time, and several other times. He’d cried for weeks, feeling like he’d failed them, he attempted suicide, and was hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital, mis-diagnosed, I thought, as RAD. I felt that workers might have been trying to winnow him from the group, feeling he’d possibly interfere with “new” parenting when they finally found a home for this large sibling group.

Truthfully, he’s been a huge help, as his siblings usually look to him, after I’ve said something to them, seeking his input often, needing him as their remaining link to their past, he holds all the information that they’ve either forgotten or never knew.

He simply would not have survived in life without all six of his siblings, he loves them tremendously, and they look up to him as their hero. He’s emotionally closest to a sister near his age; he adores the babies, now 9 and 11 years old. He’s almost 20 now, finally learning I’m the real deal as I’ve gone through some very tough times with these seven children. It would have been way tougher, impossible actually, for emotional healing if they’d been split up.

I’m on the warpath right now over this issue which has been the center of our family. Learning of 11 year old twins that will now, quite likely, be split up, has me nearly in tears. Another large sibling group faces the same fate if someone strong doesn’t intervene and stand up for these children’s rights to remain together as a family.