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If you are new to the adoption world you may have questions about Life books or you may not have heard of a Life Book just yet.
There are a few different kinds of Life Books. One is a book that a prospective adoptive parent or parents make about there family to have agencies or lawyers show to mothers thinking of making an adoption plan. There are many ways to make one of these. I have seen wonderfully intricate made scrapbooks and basic letters with a nice picture on it. These types of Life Books are generally seen in domestic infant adoptions. As this was not our adoption route, I don’t have a lot of experience with them. If you have any suggestions or tips on making a Life Book such as this, please leave a comment.
The second type of Life Book is like a baby book. These can be made for foster children and passed on with the child for other foster parents to add on to as the child grows. For children who have been in the foster system this may be their only piece of history they have, their only link to their infancy and childhood. Again, this type of adoption has not been my experience so please add any thoughts you may have.
To parents with children not adopted at birth the Life Books are made to help a child know where they came from, who they came from and why they are where they are now. A personal history in book form. At first this may sound like a normal baby book or photo album, but it is really so much more. It is a tool that helps your child through times of grieving, celebration and questions. A Life Book is personal, not to be left out on a shelf for everyone to look at, but to be kept with the child (as age dictates) so they can access it when they need it.
Mita and Enu sleep with their Life Books under their pillows every night. I find them looking through it on happy days and sad days, birthdays and holidays. I bring it out when they have questions or are remembering history differently. It is very much a tool in our house to help with the grief.
As you may have guessed these Life Books get a lot of use. They get worn out and cried on. The pages are bent, maybe even ripped but they are oh so treasured.
A few things to remember when making your child’s life book:
1) Put in only what you KNOW. You may not have photographs of your child’s birth parents or the details of the birth and early childhood. It is imperative that you do not speculate on these. Do not put in a picture of an Asian woman if you child is from China. I have been told that kids fixate on this picture and look for her in a crowd. You pages may just be of beautiful scenery from their place of birth with a few words about the birth place or no words at all. The space is what is needed. Your child has a history even if it is not known.
2) Make it age appropriate. If your child was adopted with an abusive past or due to circumstances like rape or abandonment, they need to know this SOMEDAY, when the time is right. If it is not time to share certain information, just leave it out without making up a “prettier” history. You may not have anything positive to say about their birth parents, or have no information at all. “Your birth mom has beautiful brown eyes and you have her big wonderful smile.” or “The city where you were born is known for it’s artistic flair and rich history.” are easy ways to write something positive without lying or making up a past. We are blessed to have early childhood pictures with their parents holding and interacting with them. This is probably the greatest gift I could have gotten in regards to our adoption.
3) Realize that a Life Book is a continuing project. It will grow with your child as he or she needs to know more or has their own input. For example, Mita and Enu received a letter from their Ethiopian dad last year. I copied it for both of them and the picture he sent with it. They have put it in their books and when we update and fill in more info, it will be there.
4) Keep every bit of information you have. A counselor we went to recommended that we keep track of everything. Who told us what and when about the girls and any questions we asked the agency or of their father. I have kept copies of emails, letters and notes that I have taken. I have copies of all the letters they have sent to their Ethiopian dad, and of the letters I have sent him asking for more information. There are a lot of unknowns with adoption, especially older child, international adoption. I may never find out the answers to the questions the girls have, but they will know that I tried. In years to come I think that will mean something.
In the next post, I will talk about different ways to make your child’s Life Books, from crafty to ultra simple!
My name is Shannon and my husband and I are contemplating adopting a 6 year old boy from Ethiopia who needs a home. We are going at this totally backwards and would love to hear the good, the bad and the ugly of adopting an older boy. We have four bio children (Ben 6, Maggie 4, Scarlett 3 adn Celeste 1).