I’m openly affectionate with my children. I hug and give kisses, I end phone calls to them with “I love you,” and I say it during the day to them.

I had one four year old duck his head for the first five years to make sure I didn’t kiss his cheek. I kissed the top of his head though. Now that it’s been seven years he’s comfortable with me, he let me kiss him at school the other day. He seeks hugs and he’s verbal about his feelings for me but it took a long time.

His younger brother resisted me as well. His oldest sister, now 18, has only begun to initiate the “I love you,” now after seven years.

I’m finishing up my fifth year with a gifted 11 year old who still hasn’t responded to my love. One time I asked him, “Chuy, do you love me?”

“Yes, but I don’t want to tell you that.”

“OK,” I’d replied, more than satisfied with his answer.

Probably half of my children held back for lengthy periods of time, years and years before I’d earned their trust.

I had a great caseworker who told me this was normal. What if I had a caseworker who didn’t think that was normal? What if I’d quit after five years of no response? Look what I would have missed.

Some kids not only withheld their love, they also poured out their rages on me and my home.

Sometimes love is an act of the will. Sometimes it is important for me to not walk in the way I feel, but rather walk in deep faith that this will improve.

I’ve had kids scream that they hate me; sometimes I can’t keep a straight face. “You hate me? For what?”

They have no answer and usually just get angrier. Not great parenting on my part, but I find the urge to ask nearly irresistible, knowing they have no answer.

They calm down, they apologize, they tell me that they love me, sure that they’ve crossed the line where I’ll finally crack and scream, “Well I don’t love you!” Their greatest fear. But I don’t do so.

I forgive, I try and calm down, knowing there’ll be many more storms. But I also know that it is hard to resist the love of a very determined parent.