It never takes a real reason for a child of mine to lose their temper and teeter on having a rage in public over nothing. Traumatized children, so out of touch with their feelings, so accustomed to stuffing it down inside themselves and feeling so out of control of their existence, can easily veer from an emotional high into anger at the blink of an eye.

This morning on the two minute ride to church my nine year old lost it. Refusing to get out of the van, furious over nothing, he rudely told me he was going to run away.

I have a family policy of not chasing down a runaway. I don’t think it’d be a good idea to give this negative act any positive attention. Our home is surrounded by hundreds of acres of fields and woods, it’d be difficult to hunt down anyone who chose to go hide.

So this son of mine took off across the church parking lot heading for the woods, looking back over his shoulder, hoping someone would stop him from his own foolishness.

I stepped inside the church, watching him from the window where he couldn’t see me, mentally debating if I should call the police since there was a nearby highway. My gut feeling was that he wouldn’t go far so I decided to call his bluff, wait him out. Plan B was an older son standing next to me, ready to tackle down the runaway should he put himself in danger.

For 45 minutes, while I missed Sunday School and watched out the window, my runaway walked in circles in the field, looking back at the door where he figured I’d entered. I watched him circle around several times, finally giving up his runaway status and getting into our van.

Church was getting ready to start, I figured he’d cool off soon enough so I went into the sanctuary with my other children, sitting on the last couple of rows so I could leave and check if necessary. I felt eyes on me, turned around and saw him standing there watching us.

My plan worked. His rage did not escalate and unbelievably and uncharacteristically he immediately apologized when we got home.

“Sorry Mom,” he mumbled.

“I appreciate the apology,” I coolly replied, still not wanting to feed into a negative attention cycle, knowing that these episodes have become less frequent over the last five and a half years.

Trying to remember and praise the kids for their positive actions has had a much stronger impact. I simply cannot let them push my buttons, nor should I lower myself and get into a screaming match with anyone of them. It’s better to wait them out and reason with them later. Today had an astonishingly fast resolution. Some of these rages have lasted for entire days. In our world this is measurable progress.

Photo Credit