As parents we spend most of our time making sure that our family has everything it needs. Clean clothes, good nutrition, good medical care, love and nurturing, and discipline.

It is a big responsibility to be in charge of a little person's life. You want to spoil them at times and you want to encourage them. Most of all you want to keep them safe from harm's way.

But what if they themselves are "harm's way?" What if the choice they are making are not good. What if the drama goes way beyond the point of reality?

First things first:
Is this behavior a call for attention? It is most always a call for help.
Is this behavior normal?
Is it age appropriate?
Is the behavior something that in time will pass and thus not need to be addressed in a strong disciplinary action?

It is so sad to watch a child destroy their life, to see through all the issues and know that there is hope for this young life, only to see them keep making choices that will eventually place them in harm's way.

Years ago, as a young foster parent, I had a therapist tell me that two of the four children I had adopted could not be helped, that usually they keep abusing behaviors until they are locked away. I didn't believe it then and I still believe there is hope for every child. Every adult that wants to change. But isn't that the key. They have to want to change.

As a parent of a child that is out of control - one who is cutting themselves or doing some other self mutilation, or one who is drinking and out of control, or one who is abusive or violent - we have no choice but to seek out help.

Some parents think if they ignore it maybe it will go away. Knowing deep down inside that it isn't going to stop.

My daughter is at the point again where she needs to be placed in a good facility, one with structure, counseling and the ability to treat her alcohol abuse.

When they are at a pre-adult age, it is very hard to find help for them. If the child does not want help they will not take issue. That is when you really have to be a strong parent, because maybe this is your last chance to help this child. This is also a time of great sadness and one in which you need your family and friends beside you all the way.

This is why I always tell other parents that talk to me to never be afraid to parent. Never let that child you love so much get the upper hand and take control out of your hands. It is very important that a child respect you. As they grow older it becomes one of the only keys to sane life with a teenager.

My husband worked a lot as our kids grew up So MOM is the word. When they needed something, it was always mom. Today it is mom who will not allow them to disrespect their father.

At times I scratch myself on the head and think to myself, "This is a bit backwards." But I guess I never said, "Just wait till your father gets home." I just handled what ever come our way when it occurred.

My favorite words are, "Excuse Me?" They stop my kids in their tracks. It puts them in check. I adopted my kids off the inner streets of Detroit, Michigan, down where the gang members were family, and birth parents were either working or to drugged up to notice what was going on. So getting respect was very important from the get go. So we established leader of the pack quickly in our home.

So today as I see these beautiful kids that God gave me and I watch them struggle emotionally and mentally to mature. It breaks my heart.

To think once again I may have to allow my daughter to live in a Residential Treatment Facility, hurts my soul. So tough parenting is something I myself have to refresh myself in. I have to be able to sign the papers that say my daughter needs more help than I can provide for her.

It is in our humility that we find the most strength to do the difficult things in life. Especially when it is for the life of someone we dearly love.

Sometimes being a parent means making the hard choices in life. Just remember you are doing it for the love of the child. Keep the faith.