I’m a little cowed by the fact that several of my children have needed to live somewhere else in out-of-home placements. I could not meet their psychiatric needs within the confines and limitations of our family home. No one but a psychiatric facility with a staff and PRN medications would be able to keep irrational, violent children safe from themselves. The safety of others must also be considered.

This side of life has shocked me in such an abject manner. I would not have knowingly adopted children for which this was to become an issue, yet I since I did so, unbeknownst to me, I feel a huge sense of responsibility towards them as well as the sadness of unreturned love. It would not be fair of me to expect reciprocity from those who are not capable of demonstrating such, the reality is this is what we have, what can I do that would be in their best interests?

In every case, I first tried for years to keep them at home with a psychologist coming to our home regularly for counseling.

In every case, I’ve discovered that simply was not enough.

Behaviors deteriorated, destruction abounded, threats of violence and attacks escalated, bizarre activities such as turds under chairs, or midnight wanderings outside in the dark claiming one’s playmates were calling to them (no one was there), or an inability to function on any level at school forced me to seek serious help.

No family can safely live like that.

Help is hard to find; a “cure” even more elusive. The sad, stark reality is only that these behaviors can be medicated and regulated to some degree, but a full recovery from something that they cannot help is unlikely.

That is the ultimate fact to face; the child turns 18 and cannot be forced to stay in a program. If they want to run the streets and find that the police will want to redirect their outlandishly negative behaviors, the consequence will be jail, not just a shot administered by a nurse to numb one out.

That frightens me.

Everyone on earth has issues, problems to resolve, hurt feelings that create situations to deal with, or weird, peculiar thoughts. That kind of stuff can be worked through satisfactorily but some severe mental illnesses simply mean a life of conflict and unusual dangers.

I am absolutely frustrated and dismayed over the future for some of my children.