What makes some children so resilient that they are able to smile after horrendous childhoods? I have several such survivors here within our family. One 12 year old, sunny and happy, described by her caseworker as such a good kid, excuse my cynicism but I’ve heard that before and those same children were later hell-bent on their own destruction, hoping to take down as many bystanders as possible.

But my 12 year old really is a good kid. Deprived for years of her siblings, bounced around like Flubber, put through emergency shelters, foster homes and wherever her bio mom left her for days and weeks at a time, not an iota of stability until after her 10th birthday when she arrived here in our family. Like a bird perched for flight, she observed us carefully through smiles, and then began nesting rather than heading elsewhere.

Believing I’d be dependable, looking at my track record comprised of older successful children who still clung to me, she decided quickly that she’d try and fit in as well.

Herb Greenberg and Patrick Sweeney of Caliper, have identified two crucial traits of successful people. One is a dogged optimism despite all obstacles and the other is an overwhelming impulse to define oneself.

They claim, in Success magazine, that,

“success has less to do with what you have than with knowing who you are."

I have several children like that, who do not let their former foster child experiences turn them into helpless victims but rather they see that earlier obstacle now as being critical in forming who they’ve grown to be. It strengthened them rather than defeated them, allowed them empathy and a voice rather than holding them back in any way. This became a plus rather than a minus, a building block rather than a stumbling stone.

To me, this is what makes a winner. Three years ago, my little girl didn’t have a clue as to what would happen to her or her three youngest siblings who clung to her and called her Memaw. Some inner fortitude, some unseen strength held her together through some very difficult times. She does possess a dogged optimism, and she knows who she is.

She’s changed as she’s grown. Although we still all call her Memaw, she’s not a parent figure anymore, she’s handed those reins over to me and she’s redefined herself by her good grades, her favoritism among her teachers, her popularity at school because she is nice. Just nice, not the best dressed, not on the cutting edge of anything, but simply sweet and pleasant, someone that everyone wants to be friends with on a regular basis.

She is also a very good influence on the rest of our family.