“Just wondering: is it possible to predict what direction things will go with your adult children? Are there one or more who are mature and open to having their siblings in their lives like you do? Do your older kids feel connected to all their siblings, or do things break down along bio-sibling lines? Will this go on for decades, kids leaving, getting married, having kids, then moving back in with you, with more children, then out again, etc. etc.? Or do you see some of the kids growing into roles of family organizer, or care giver, or whatever?”

A reader, Rachel, questioned me yesterday after I’d posted about cooking 180 enchiladas.

Here’s my answer.

Heck no, I can’t predict anything. I have zero answers and as soon as I believe I’m on top of things I get the rug pulled out from under me. Just minutes after I blogged about our happy supper time I got literally kicked in my face. I ended up sitting on my garage floor crying.

All I can offer anyone are my own experiences and what you all have shared with me about your various trials and tribulations. I can’t even predict how this evening will end as I just had three kids go to the big back creek without permission after supper, cross it, climb two fences and walk through several fields to get to a friend’s house. Thankfully the mom called me, knowing a storm was blowing up and wondering why my kids were out at nightfall.

I drove out to get them and put all three to bed, I’m simply too angry to even talk with them. One of them is super well-behaved; this wasn’t like her at all.

So Rachel honey I am super clueless, bumbling through life with my hands on the walls to keep my bearings as I try and navigate life with traumatized children. One foot firmly on my foundational beliefs as a parent and the other foot on a banana peel.

I only wish I could predict or even better understand life with traumatized children.

I do have several family organizers and caregivers: a 27 year old daughter (adopted at age 11) and my 34 year old birth daughter. Another 26 year old daughter, adopted at age 7, is a born leader and I have a couple of dependable grown sons. One is 22 and I’d trust him with my bank account, my pocketbook and charge cards, he’s that awesome.

I’d say that my older children are very connected having shared a childhood here with me, common experiences and family life. I’m grateful for that certainly and it’s been a forged common road. It hasn’t always been peachy keen, there’ve been skirmishes and many problems, but overall they’re all pretty close to each other across bio-sibling lines. Many of them now have children and the cousins are all very close to each other. Sometimes it is purely my grown children who emotionally support and get me through our very trying times.

Photo Credit Cindy Bodie