I receive bulletins from Focal Point: research, policy & practice in children’s mental health, because we use our county’s mental health facilities. At their link you can download the articles and this month’s emphasis was “Traumatic Stress/Child Welfare.” It is must reading for parents adopting older children.

I found every single word in this issue to have practical applications in older child adoptions. There’s not a single older child, available for adoption, who is not unscathed. There’s no way to have multiple placements and childhood insecurity not affect them in a negative manner. That’s the easy end of the spectrum; the other end involves the victims of abuse, neglect and outright abandonment.

In this bulletin we are told that “Traumatic events cause overwhelming feelings of terror, horror or hopelessness. These kinds of feelings often occur when a person experiences or witnesses a serious injury or witnesses a death. A person may also be traumatized by threats of injury or death, or by experiencing other forms of attack or violation. Child traumatic stress occurs when exposure to traumatic events overwhelms the child’s ability to cope.”

That about covers the entire gamut of experiences my children bring to the table. 35 out of my 39 not only qualify, but illustrate this definition by their behaviors every single day.

I have so many ways to expound upon this one thought. But this one issue, traumatized children, seems to be what we least expect as adoptive parents, me included. Some odd part of our brain, based on our own middle class childhood experiences, expects to see some semblance of gratitude.

Get over it, is my advice.

“Children who enter the child welfare system are typically affected by abuse, neglect and/or domestic violence. If they are removed from their homes, they often face further traumas that are caused by efforts to remedy the situation. Children’s relationships with caregivers and other family members are ruptured, they are uprooted from friendships and familiar surroundings, and their daily routines are destroyed. Often, children face ongoing uncertainty and instability that can continue for years.”

And then they land in my house as if dropped from above with a thud, blurting out horror stories of sexual abuse by their first mama’s boyfriends, drunken men attacking them, drugs everywhere, sometimes equally as awful foster placements, and more physical abuse; they tell me of being split up from their siblings, they show me their physical scars, some of my children saw their mother stab their father to death, others witnessed drug overdoses, even one that resulted in the death of a parent, and I stand there as wide-eyed as my children taking it all in, shocked that they can even make a complete sentence after all they’ve been through.

Then comes the years and years of acting out their pent up rage at what has happened. I run all around town setting up resources, appointments and meetings to get their needs met, and sometimes we need even more help as in residential psychiatric facilities and wilderness programs.

I have way more to say about parenting traumatized children in the coming posts.