Oh those words. Just four little words. But they sure can hurt both adoptive parent and adoptive child.

As parents and especially adoptive parents and step parents. We just know that at some point in time our child will use them.

It usually occurs in a heated discussion or a down right argument. The child is so frustrated and wants to assume their own right to self in dependance. They Blurt them out. "YOU ARE NOT MY PARENT".

Ouch. I can feel them already. Yep it usually stops the conversation. No you can't take them back. Yes they are the biological truth. But because of the parent/child bonding you have so
treasured until this point. They down right HURT.

Is Discipline an issue here. No. You can not scold a child for making a true statement. Yet in your heart you may want to ground them for life.
Anything short of saying that you both need a TIME
OUT would be a huge mistake.

It is funny how those words effect both the parent and the child. But once they are out in the open and the child is ready to face the fact that they are right. They were not some birth child the parents created and brought into this world. They are in fact a "CHOSEN CHILD".

This opens the door to healing and allowing your adopted or step child the knowledge that you are in their life because you made a choice to be there.
Be it by adopting the child or by marring some one and you took on the added choice to be a mom or dad to the kids.

Love is not an issue here. Because believe me. I bet most of the teenagers that shove those words out in anger wish themselves that they could take them back a thousand times.

It is what you say or do in response to them that will make or brake the existing relationship as parent/child.

So think about the moment. At some point it will happen. You can choose your response now so that follow through will be the only thing you need to do when Those 4 little words hit the air.

You can not prepare how you will feel. I would almost guarantee that they will hurt. You may want to cry or shout out THANK GOD I didn't give birth to this attitude. (smile) But when the air clears those words will open up your relationship to talk about birth parents and how you felt to be able to nurture and care for the child through out his or her life.

Being a parent is not just biology. Being a parent is taking care of the diapers and feedings. The colds and the tears. And of course all the fears also. You are your child's strong hold in this world. Their foundation to stand on and that will never change. Words are just words. Especially when spoken in anger.