Piggybacking once again on yesterday’s post, I often do so as my mind tends to ruminate on something for eons, always trying to figure out The Answer, seldom actually doing so.

I have a daughter, now 18, who has just graduated from high school. Like her older brother, having only lived in a stable family for seven years, somewhat reluctant to grow up, she's feeling gypped over such a short childhood.

I have a niece also graduating, full of college plans, summer activities, and burst of independence, different from my daughter because she’s had a parent for 18 years, has lived in the same house all her life but she did lose her mother to cancer 11 years ago. It derailed my niece for years, she’d been in grief therapy during the last year of my sister’s life, the process was mapped out for her, certainly not making it any easier, but maybe just a tad more manageable.

My niece will jet off to William & Mary College, just as her parents had done, she’ll excel, do her four years with magnificent grades and we will all be so proud of her, we expect her to do this. She’ll likely meet a fine young man with similar goals and aspirations; she’ll have a great career and a wonderful life because she expects to do so.

My beautiful daughter, Miriam, will falter and struggle a bit. She doesn’t have the mental roadmap that’s been ingrained in my niece for 18 years; instead Miriam has had to fight for everything, always worried about her six birth siblings, never truly understanding why her birth parents let her down nor conversely why I’ve stuck it out during all our challenges.

Miriam has not been difficult to raise, she’s not defied me, acted hateful nor been oppositional. She’s been fairly quiet, glad to not have to parent her siblings anymore, she’s done well in school and has always been pleasant at home. And don’t I wish I had more of her?

Miriam is sociable, she has many friends and she’s been working at McDonalds for a year, long enough to have garnered enough raises that now it’ll be tougher to find another job that pays so well. She’s bought a 1995 Honda and has blown more than a wad on clothes.

She’s decidedly not excited about further education, possibly a little fearful, not ready to leave either her siblings or the comforts inherent in forever family stability. So I’m the one who is working on her higher education options, presenting them to her in small non-threatening steps. Community college? Beauty school? How about cosmetology at the community college? Bingo, we’ve settled on a plan after months of wrangling. If I push, she’d take it as a personal rejection, not something I want to do to her. If I do nothing, she’ll do nothing.

Let’s compromise, make a plan and I’ll hold your hand – a figure of speech we often use within our family as I feel as if I need to wipe their cute little mouths after dinner as well. But if I continue to show them the way without making them feel that I don’t want to parent anymore, their greatest fear, then I can take satisfaction in each successful baby step that I see. And we’ll build on them slowly.

Miriam’s going to be a success as well. An intrinsic component of her being wants to shine for her family; to receive the positive feedback that she’s learning will always come from me. She’s watched older sisters here, finish high school and attend college, get married and have families, but most importantly, remain close to mama. That’s what I want for her as well. It’s a little bit different road to adulthood in the adoption of older children who just don’t have that strong, necessary foundation.