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Two years ago if you would have asked me if we were going to adopt children with special needs, I would have felt bad for saying no, and gone over our reasons why we were not adopting special needs children. Like many people I saw special needs children as kids with chronic conditions like Cerebral Palsy, deafness, blindness or in a wheelchair. We knew at that time of our lives we were not able to handle the extra time and money that a speical needs adoption can bring.
The joke was on us I guess. I have realized that older children have special needs of their own. Our darling girls are physically well, but have emotional needs that require time, money and sometimes a while lot of patience. Like most parents of special needs children, we’ve adapted and made the adjustments needed to make our family work. We are in love with Mita and Enu and the fact that they have some emotional and security issues are just apart of our adoption.
I have mentioned before that I was surprised with the amount of energy every day tasks take. Just getting into the car in the morning for school, can take all of my strength when the arguements between the kids, the envy and the rudeness are running rampent. I never imagined myself the type of mom who has assigned seats in the car, at the dinner table or who has to have a three-ring binder to keep track of chores.
I know that some people may not agree with my thoughts, and I don’t want to offend anyone. I hope that my thoughts will encourage others with their adoption search. I am not suggesting people not adopted older children by any means. I am encouraging prospective parents of older children to consider their adoption a special needs adoption. It will take a lot more time and energy than you may think. I know that it has taken more time and energy than having a newborn.
I think you’re absolutely right. I remember when we were researching, reading an article (or a chapter of a book?) that discussed older child adoption as a type of special needs adoption.
I actually think it’s great that you share so much of your lives here. You show the highs and lows, which is so important for people considering or living in an older child adoption.
It is so very different to bring an older child into your home than it is for a baby. I feel that we were very prepared for the challenge of one 8 year old, after all I have been a social worker for years in the “child welfare” system. Boy was I wrong! Challenging yet just a rewarding and beautiful, but people should know the struggles they will face and understand the vast differences. We are very blessed!