“Since the time I was sent to elementary school, my feet have marched to the beat of a different drummer than Everybody Else’s. The difference caused me much grief as a child; much success as an adult.”

As usual, this is not an original thought of mine but I read it today in this book, nodding my head in absolute agreement.

I think I know what other girls thought about as they talked about it as well. I never dreamed about getting married and having kids even though I eventually did both, and more than once each.

I dreamed about damming up the creek at the bottom of my back yard from third through fifth grade, it was constantly on my mind. I loved that creek and could draw a picture today detailing the depth of the water, the placement of boulders and where we found crayfish the most. I could diagram my grandparent’s gardens also and I haven’t seen them for 40 years.

I never dreamed of having a large family, for awhile I didn’t even think I’d ever want kids until I found myself pregnant as a young bride.

Nowadays I dream about soil structure, garden plans, seed saving techniques, greenhouses and solar energy. I contemplate our entire mental health system for children, I mull through parenting methods, trying this and that, always hoping for an answer and I blog in my head therapeutically to an imaginary audience.

I read adoption books, parenting and leadership, management and gardening books constantly. I rarely watch any TV shows, I hear them sometimes while I water my thousand house plants.

Because others can’t fathom my life, constantly involved in meeting the needs of so many people, some folks view me with suspicion as in I must have an ulterior motive. That was sort of what I ran up against last month, my adoption caseworker outraged at a meeting that my dedication had even been questioned.

I do get weary at having to constantly defend myself, explain myself, or answer questions. Let me do what I do: parent my children. I’ve raised some great kids. I’ve raised some troubled ones as well who are still very challenging and will remain so for quite some time. This is a process, a demonstration of my commitment, and it is important only for me to prove it to my children.

Let me walk to my own beat.