A reader commented yesterday, “It's so wonderful to hear that others go thru the same things...I have needed to hear these things for so long and didn't have a clue that adoption blogs even existed,” and she inadvertently reassured me in the direction I’d been taking here. I write more about parenting the older children that I’ve adopted rather than the act of adoption. Heck, anyone can figure out how to call their local adoption agency or their county child protection services and inquire about foster care and adoption.

But who in the heck can figure out how to deal with these massive issues that come along with such traumatized children? Not me, and I’ve been trying hard for twenty years now. I’ve had superb, top-of-the-line professional help here as well and access to different counselors, therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists especially when my children have had to seek out-of-home placements. Honestly I’ve picked the minds of some of the best in the field and I’ve learned everything and nothing.

Managing the behavior of traumatized children or severely emotionally disturbed children, or heart-broken, abused and neglected children is like walking a tightrope with cinder block shoes while carrying the weight of the world. I’m not exaggerating at all.

Hoping 08 goes on to say, “No one understands what it's like....only others who deal with these issues. I know it's probably not the issue you thought you would be thanked for, but how reassuring for me…”

She’s right. There’s so much help before adoption, there’s training and support, but you feel all alone when you’re holding a screaming, raging child who’s having a fit because you quietly corrected their behavior. MAPP and Path are awesome, very good programs, eye-opening and educating but until you’re neck deep in rages and challenges, you really have no clue about how hard it will be to parent older adopted children.

I’ve raised four children from scratch; they’ve been with me all their lives, three adopted and one birth daughter. The bonding and attachment was there from the start, they were loved and nurtured and it made all the difference in the world. My other thirty-five children have worn me slap out. I’m not burned out, I’m simply blown away by the deep and profound layers of damage that had been done to children who’d never had stability, security, safety and love before adoption.

My family blog is my gritty one, the one in which I pour it all out. This blog is where I try and funnel the behaviors into relevant topics, but each post seems to dissolve into stories of my parenting challenges that I know I share with all y’all who are here in the trenches with me.

Photo Credit Anya Rice