Older Child, Older Children Adoption - Parents Have Feelings Too

02/19/06

Parents Have Feelings Too

Posted by : Sharlene in Older Child Adoption Blog at 07:23 pm , 377 words, 40 views
Categories: Family Safety

Lately we have been through a lot with our older adopted children. They are all going through rough times and life isn't easy at all. We all know this. Sometimes you have to stay strong and keep the faith.

Our oldest daughter is pregnant and she has a wonderful little boy who is 19 months old also. She and her husband were having problems and my daughter and the grandbaby moved home with us for a while.

After about three months she decided to go back to her husband and give him another chance. Of course because of the drug and alcohol use on our son in law's part we were against her moving back. But they are our children we love them and we have to allow them to live how they wish and do what they wish.

We just told her this time that, until she got out of his life for good, we did not want anything to do with him. He is very physically abusive and has hit my husband and has knocked me down also for trying to keep him from hitting our daughter in his drunken rages.

With that and everything else going on with the kids, I'm a little down-hearted. Sometimes, the kids don't think what they are saying and they hurt you to the soul.

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I think that foster and adoptive kids often don't think about what they say to their adoptive parents. It's like they think we don't have feelings.

We spend our life raising them. Trying to do the very best we can for them. If any of you out there have kids like mine they think we owe them something, I guess this is one of those moments where emotionally, physically and financially I have nothing else to give.

I'm also tired of being used and never appreciated. So for now I have kind of shut down and set myself aside with the Lord and found shelter in my faith.

Anyone else out there feel a little torn and battered and need some TLC? Crawl on up in God's heavenly lap, we will snuggle together.

After all, there are times friends treat you better than family. For this moment in my life, it is true for me.

1 comment

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Comment from: Bill [Member]

· http://foster-care.adoptionblogs.com/

Sharlene,
There is definitely an entitlement thing going on with our daughter. I don't know if it's because she was in foster care, or if that's a normal 11 year old kid thing.

She deserves to be loved and accepted for who she is, and she will get everything that she needs. She just may not get everything that she wants, and that's okay because there's more to life than things.

As far as what foster and adopted kids say, it helps to realize (especially with older adopted kids) that it's not personal. We have found that our daughter assumes, from previous negative relationships with adults, that all of us are the same, and eventually will hurt her. So she tries to push us away before that happens.

You have to remember that feeling good and safe and loved is foreign to these kids, and it's too scary. So they revert back to survival mode, back to when they had to take care of themselves since no one else did.

Thank you for your excellent blogs and for the support of my blog and others here.

Permalink 02/20/06 @ 04:41