I’m hearing from many adoptive mothers who are saying the same thing. This era of blogging is allowing many of us to realize we are in similar circumstances, fighting the same battles, and facing equal challenges.

One of the most surprising ones I’ve faced have involved kids, adopted as older children, who are totally unable to leave the nest at age 18. Growing up I’d hear many of my own parent’s friends counting the days until their rebellious kids turned 18 and then the parents would theoretically be free from strife.

I’ve found this to not be a possibility for us.

A dear friend of mine, the mom of twelve challenging children and my colleague at Adopt America Network, is now at her wit’s end with one son of hers. You can read of her travails here.

Plenty of readers are urging her to kick him out, I think she should do so also but I’m equally aware that there are mitigating factors, that this isn’t an easy or even humane thing to do. They live in the frigid north, should she literally lock him out of their house? He’s stolen from them constantly and is escalating his very negative behaviors; he has criminal charges against him but rarely serves any time as the judicial system has its own problems.

It’s easier said than done.

My grown birth daughter told me this morning, “It’d be easier to kick out a birth child than an adopted child. You wouldn’t be criticized as much.”

She’s right.

Hopefully though with a birth child, you wouldn’t have drunk your way through pregnancy and knowingly given your child FASD.

How can we then penalize a child with FAS who truly doesn’t understand the consequences of his actions? But how can we continue to provide a roof over someone’s head that is making the entire family unsafe? What message is being sent to their younger children? Are they enabling or forgiving?

I don’t have any answers. There are no easy answers.