Removing Emotional Barriers in Older Adopted Children

I hope this picture can be viewed simply for what it is, not as offensive, but as a clear example of life with traumatized children. The other words that were written are worse.

I’d received an email yesterday from a lady I know, a mother of a large family; she’d faced a terrible ordeal years ago, threatened by the child protection system that should have been helping her. Her family overcame the obstacles and has continued on successfully.

Usually we don’t have any clue as to what we’re capable of handling until we’re forced into that position. The seeds of adversity build our character.

I’d replied to her, asking what was new and how were they doing now only to receive an uplifting reply that indicated her positive frame of mind had resulted in wonderful blessings.

I really like that attitude. Her entire family had been mistreated, even persecuted. Her husband, once a schoolteacher, now practically a bag boy in a grocery store yet ‘The Law of Attraction’ was working and drawing positive energy towards her family now.

People often wonder why I haven’t hit the bottle or something usually as drastic while coping with so many problems, issues and challenges here within my large family.

I just keep expecting things to get better and things do keep getting better; my kids are growing older, gaining some maturity and understanding, blessings flow towards us, and at age 52, I’m overflowing with plans, dreams and optimistic expectations as I’m deeply convinced of my own abilities, along with faith and prayers, to pull it all off.

I have a nine year old son who hit my five year old last night, just a smack on the arm, but I have a firm, clear ‘don’t hit each other’ rule that he broke so I sent him to his room. ‘Normal’ kids would take the consequence, but this problematic son immediately raged, kicking at me, cussing, screaming, not crying of course, and eventually writing on the wall.

We all ignored him the best that we could as I don’t believe in the concept of feeding into negative behavior. He finally settled down and went to sleep. This morning I will expect him to spend the day cleaning his walls. I find this behavior unacceptable and he knows that, he’ll also lose all Nintendo privileges for the rest of June. He’s already lost computer time for his last rage.

He appears not to be learning squat about cause and effect. A slow learner? I don’t think so; he tests out at average, no learning disabilities. What we have here is a prime example of the traumatized child who will be slow to improve behaviors.

A psychologist will visit us this morning, here at home, which works better on children like mine, less threatening than an office environment, and Dr. G will make seemingly little progress. In the big picture though, he’s making inroads at quite a clip. A neutral third party who reinforces proper parenting, allows the children to vent their supposed issues with me, when in reality these issues are in response to the original parent who is not here.

These five children have been mistreated, that’s for certain, but if they do not learn proper responses to situations, correct behavior and the ability to manage their anger, then their adult life will be non-productive.

This is not what I want for them so I continue to explain, often to non-listeners, which emotional tools they need in order to function as successful people.

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