Resiliency is the ability to recover quickly from setbacks. It is a speedy recovery from problems, or compared to elasticity in that it has the ability to spring back quickly into shape after being bent, stretched or deformed.

This is something we must model to our adopted older children. Yes, this covers all kids, but I’m attempting to work within this one framework.

This means that we too must be resilient; non-rigid, flexible, buoyant, and hardy. We parents, who absorb a great deal of undeserved rage and anger, must also possess the ability to forgive, to understand, and to take it all in.

It is a tough road to walk.

People who’ve succeeded in spite of all odds seemingly possess that trait, that resiliency. They can bounce back. I’ve struggled often with anger and outrage at the unfairness I feel. When the children scream out their past abuses, when they act out their rage and tear up the nice home I’ve tried to provide for them. Why should I bother? Why should I patch the sheetrock knowing another fist is going to go through it, sometimes only because I verbally redirected a negative behavior?

I try to wake up each day and face it as a new day, forgetting the negativity that has been spewed out, working out issues between different kids, and being as proactive as possible in other areas rather than having to think on my feet reactively when a problem sprouts up.

I have to be able and willing to think ahead, to anticipate needs and to seek resources. I’d be that way even if I only had one child in the home. That’s our job as parents. Putting our own needs aside, living sacrificially, and in the adoption of older children, we must also be able to understand it isn’t about us. It’s about what has happened to them; that’s what has made them who they are.

They’re hung up on the fact that life has not been good to them; it’s been horrific in many ways. Then I send them to school with regular kids, in our county full of helicopter parents and high-achieving students, they’re expected to fit in…leave their issues at home. For the most part, they do so admirably, later after school, after eight hours of the self-imposed pressure to appear normal, they burst through my doors, stressed out and NEEDING to play outside, needing to feel loved, stable and secure, simply needing Mama time.