Nancy verbally struggled with a lack of integrity in many of the children we adopt and in the world as a whole in her post while Sandra pointed out a horrible story in India that is a microcosm of a much bigger problem. I’d also bemoaned my own small attempts to make the world a better place while I looked around me at all that was not being done.

As usual, when I’m working in my gardens, I get clarity, a peace of mind that often escapes me when I’m reading depressing newspapers on-line or dealing with my own children’s rather muddy views about life.

I have a 15 year old teenager in a therapeutic residential setting. She matches Nancy’s descriptions of a child in her home, sorely lacking in integrity or core values. This teen of mine has had police involvement since back in middle school for blatant thefts. Each time, my daughter looked at all of us like we were so stupid to have gotten so worked up over a little Ipod or whatever else she’d swiped from someone.

Her thefts continued, not necessarily escalating to bigger things, but more so in a barefaced, unashamed, entitlement manner, as it was the act of taking what she wanted from people that seemed to be her goal. You have it, I want it. The next logical step would have been to not care about other people’s losses, but I’d go so far as to suggest that she was not even capable of not caring. Caring, or not caring, are elusive concepts to her. There seemed to be no part of her brain that filtered or comprehended the perception of this particular emotion.

I’m not even accusing her of being mean as I felt she didn’t have maliciousness either, it was just an “I want it so I’ll take it,” thus appearing sociopathic rather than psychopathic.

Wikipedia defines sociopathy as a

psychiatric condition characterized by an individual's common disregard for social rules, norms, and cultural codes, as well as impulsive behavior, and indifference to the rights and feelings of others.

The word ‘indifference’ exactly illustrates her demeanor. I used to lecture her, discuss with her, explain to her, find therapy for her, and use examples of her anti-social behavior in order to break through to her. Honestly I never made any difference in her. Not a bit. If anything my naïve explanations only served to bolster her considerations regarding only the thought of being caught in the act of stealing. Probably I made her a better thief as I carefully explained why I believed stealing was wrong.

Continue on to Part 2