Maybe when I’m in the middle of a morass I shouldn’t blog? The author of a recent and insightful book regarding her adoption experiences was castigated for her brutal honesty. She was told, in a very ugly manner, that she was ruining it for others. This I disagree with totally. I believe she shone a beacon of light into a dark situation, validated the experiences of many adoptive parents, and she was encouraging as well.

This article about the desperate need for foster and adoptive parents grated on my on raw nerves today for no other reason than I feel particularly singed lately. Swallowing bitterness has killed my appetite for nutrition at the moment. This article indicated that a radio show about an infant adoption tempted some 50 inquiries. I too, over the years had once been inspired by The Need.

I want to go on the same radio show and scream that all foster and adoptive parents will not only be unappreciated, they will be reviled and unsupported nine times out of ten. It’s that tenth good time though that keeps me going.

Another article is way more on target.

Study shows foster kids five times more disturbed

“Foster children suffer up to five times more mental health problems than kids living with their families, and most are going without treatment.

Rates of suicidal tendencies, attention problems and severe disruptive behaviour were the most extreme issues affecting Australia's 20,000 foster children and teenagers.

The Adelaide-based study, comparing 6 to 17-year-olds in and out of foster homes, is the most comprehensive of its kind to paint a picture of mental health in this section on the welfare system.”

Well no kidding buddy boy. Tell me something I don’t know. I’ve spent 20 years living in the middle of this study in real life. I’d be disturbed also if I’d had no parenting in my formative years, if I were neglected and abused by parents with mental issues and if I’d been jerked `around from pillar to post.

This we all know. What a big DUH.

But what do we do with this information…us adoptive parents of children from the foster care system?

We best seek help. Be expected to be viewed with suspicion at times by the very professionals we approach in our search for help. Nowhere was this more truer for me than when I tried to find help for a young Joey. Severely emotionally disturbed, kicked out of therapeutic placements, disruptive beyond belief…each time I was looked at for failing to teach him how to properly behave. A level six kid, adopted as an older child, yet fingers were pointed at me immediately.

I wanted to scream. But I kept seeking help, a decade has passed and he’s in jail still being disruptive despite years of residential psychiatric care 24-7.

Yet other children have responded well to my parenting, to me seeking constant help, resources and interventions.

Researchers found that 61 per cent of the foster kids failed the government's official child behaviour check, compared with 14 per cent of other young people.

"We found that the prevalence of mental health problems experienced by children and adolescents in home-based foster care was two to five times higher than that in the general population.

Extrovert-type problems like aggression, attention difficulties and delinquency were six to seven times worse, and far outstripped introvert-type problems like withdrawal, anxiety or depression.

"Severe disruptive behaviour is of particular concern as it can continue into adulthood and is a source of significant economic burden for the whole community”

Most concerning, he said, was that while 53 per cent of caregivers believed their foster kids needed professional help, only 26 per cent were getting it.

My experience, and my opinion, has shown me that good help is available to parents who are willing to dig through the bad, the accusatory and the mediocre.