After nearly two months now in two different psychiatric hospital placements, my son was discharged yesterday as they are both considered short term facilities. Even if it is obvious that our family’s safety would be jeopardized by having him come home, it’s basically tough toenails. Deal with it.

I’ve spent eight weeks now, sending emails queries and making phone calls, hunting for the next tenuous solution. I’ve been here before with a significantly disturbed child, two kids of mine actually who have little hope for a good future as their choices are so limited.

I’ve documented all attempts. I’ve found that I have to prove what I’ve tried to do, how many ways in which I’ve sought help.

My frustration level has radically mounted. People say to me, “Let me know if you ever need anything,” and when I reach out it is because I’ve tried everything else. But because this child is so seriously disturbed, “normal” people have no help available.

It’s the tired cliché about Catch-22. “He’s too severe for our program,” I hear over and over, yet a single, little 53 year old lady with 15 kids younger than him at home is expected to maintain his behaviors. Huh?

My 77 year old mother was greatly concerned about me driving alone yesterday with him, usually I take an older son, but there was school and jobs yesterday that I didn’t want to interfere with knowing this will be an ongoing process.

My mom wanted to ride with me. “And how do you think that’ll help?” I’d snapped at her, rude and frustrated.

“At least I can call 911 if he attacks you,” and she was dead serious.

Like I’m going to put her in danger also? I don’t think so.

My older kids were worried as well, but what am I going to do? A professional in the field advised, “Just leave him there, refuse to come get him. CPS won’t get around to do anything for a week or ten days.”

Like I need to fight them again? No thank you.

I found yet another temporary crisis placement but I was on the highways for ten hours yesterday getting him there, I’ll have to move him again soon, hopefully the approval for the funding for his hospitalization will come through by then.

He was calm yesterday, acknowledging that his anger is out of control, knowing he needs help, homesick yet frightened over his inability to act right.

It is all so sad.