I can say that my daughters are gorgeous without it looking like I’m claiming credit since 17 of them were adopted. I also think my birth daughter, 34 this month, is beautiful as well and I compliment them all often.

My pre-teens, fortunately only two at the moment, now 12 and nearly 14, plus my 12 year old granddaughter are caught up in the Hannah Montana mentality, this decade’s version of Valley Girls I suppose, where shopping at the mall is a teen’s main goal in life. Or worse, hanging out at the mall.

I don’t allow it, no way would I drop these three impressionable girls off unattended and we live in a fairly small, rather safe town. That’s not the point. I’m increasingly alarmed at the number of parents who drop pre-teens off alone at the movies, the mall, a skating rink or even a high school football game. The parents claim they need some “me” time and I’m afraid that it’ll turn into something too risky.

My children all came to our family as older adopted children, used to very little, if any, supervision. On the one hand my constant presence is very comforting, but we also have to add in the adolescent breaking away from family developmental stage.

In older adopted children this is absolutely treacherous. They have normal sized, developing bodies yet the emotions and coping skills of toddlers. What might be considered normal teenage rebellion in a birth family more closely resembles a pre-schooler’s tantrum over being deprived of their sippy cup.

I walk a great many tightropes, this is just one of the more dizzying ones. I hold my children back, purposefully delaying their driving permits, spend the night away from home trips and any unsupervised activities resulting in them calling me over-protective, but secretly liking it, knowing it means that someone deeply cares about them finally.

I’m aiming my pre-teens into sports. A female’s self-esteem seems to plummet in adolescence as they wrongly compare themselves to others, children who’ve been deprived of parents all the more so, and I’m finding our huge time commitments and demands on the soccer field are now paying off in some surprisingly proud young ladies. Proud of their strength and abilities as they very slowly venture forth into their teen years.

This is my 18 year old daughter pictured here last night cheering on her sister at a soccer game. I used these same tactics with this beautiful daughter and she turned out right well. Bless her heart; she moved in with me at age 11, scared and untrusting along with her six siblings. She still lives at home as she slowly steps out into adulthood.

Photo Credit Cindy Bodie