What kind of boundaries should adoptive parents set for their grown children? What if these children have a long history of stealing, lying, hurting others and remorseless, manipulative and anti-social behaviors?

I’ve heard from several parents lately of their very difficult grown children. Here at Christmas they’ve shown up expecting gifts, never acknowledging the damage they’ve caused, maybe not even recognizing that fact.

When a kid is so damaged as to not comprehend the ramifications of their vicious behavior, it’s a little difficult to believe that there will ever be either apologies or restitution.

I have one son now in jail who wreaked constant havoc in our family, extreme damage resulted, and the police had to be called on several occasions. I recognized the harsh fact that I was his mother and that he was a minor, therefore I had to keep working on him and with him.

Eventually he left home at age 18 and carried all his issues with him, acting out at other places, even in jails where his horrid behavior earned him more time.

I’m now free from having to live in his constant uproar. I don’t have to spend 24-7 managing his behavior and making certain that he didn’t steal everything from everyone.

It’s taken me over a year to recover from the stress induced PTSD that he left in his wake. My nerves were shot.

Because he is still causing so much devastation everywhere he goes, I have not allowed him to even come to our house to visit. I’m deeply afraid that he would not leave, that I’d again have to call the police, and that he’d steal from us.

Do I now have the right to not spend time with him? I believe that I do.

I need to protect what few possessions we have left, to shield my younger children from his gangster wannabe posturing, and I’m still trying to regain my own equilibrium that was badly distorted and shaken during those very bad years.

How much are we expected to bear up under?

Photo Credit