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I have been thinking on writing about organization, routines and rules for older kids for a while now. To be honest, it is something I struggle with and do not feel like I am qualified to write about it. I do want parents to be as prepared as possible though and hopefully you can glean some insight from my mistakes.
Of course, my experience is with international older child adoption, but I really think that these ideas could easily fit into domestic older child adoption as well. All kids need structure, continuety of care and routine. Their personal past experience and personality really dictate how much structure is really needed.
For example. My eldest bio daughter is very independent, has a lot of self-control and loves to problem solve. I was used to giving her a basic routine and structure (re: bed time, basic hygiene, limited TV time, ect.). In fact she made more structure to her life than I did and often would give me pointers on how to make my life easier! She was really the Type A, first child kinda kid. These children bring frustrations of there own, I promise you, and parenting them is not as easy as it may seem.
Meg was an only child for five years. Elle was still a baby (three) at the time of the adoption. This was my parenting experience before adopting.
Then we bring Mita and Enu home at ages eight and six. Two beautful and healthy girls who had very little to choose from while growing up in Ethiopia. Two outfits to wear, flip flops for shoes everyday, not much of a variation in diet. I think you can see where I’m going here. Everything was so stimulating and hard for these two. They had never had anything to share with each-other, taking turns was not a familiar concept at all. This was difficult as a parent, because I had two children who looked like six and eight, yet had the reaction of a toddler to many situations.
Over the next few weeks I’m going to write about ways to set up routines and turn taking for very basic things, but things than can drive you mad if you let them. Who sits where in the car, how to separate personal hygiene products, ways to protect special things, etc. I will also talk about our struggle with teaching the girls how their actions effect themselves and our family.
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I adopted a six year old (english) child five years ago and I am still struggling to teach her how her actions affect others as well as herself. At the moment she is struggling at school, very common in adopted children so I am told,and this is very exhausting for her and me. It has got to the point where I am thinking ‘what do I do next’? I do a lot of praying and get a lot of comfort in this