Older Child, Older Children Adoption - So What If I Have 39 Children?

09/06/07

So What If I Have 39 Children?

Posted by : Cindy Bodie in Older Child Adoption Blog at 10:24 am , 386 words, 175 views
Categories: Adoptive Families, Large Families, Challenges

If I had gone to Haiti and opened an orphanage for 39 children I’m certain that I would receive a great deal of financial support and accolades.

If one chooses to adopt that many children, one is viewed as odd. There must be something wrong with this person. No sane person would choose to devote their life to traumatized children. Let’s investigate this person.

I’m just about tired of that reaction to my family.

Just because others cannot imagine having to do this, to live like this 24-7, doesn’t mean that it is a life not worth living.

If I had to scrapbook, get my nails done, or match my clothes correctly everyday, I’d be angry and frustrated over my inabilities to do so. Yet I’d be considered “normal.”

This I can do. I can stretch my parenting years to cover a 51 year span. Birthing my first child in 1973, watching my last daughter graduate from college in 2024 does not intimidate me at all. I’ll only then be 70 years old and I’ll hightail it to the beach as soon as she marches across the stage, my job will be finished…but until then I am very happy and fulfilled here at home with my family.

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I adore my children and I enjoy the grandchildren, seeing them almost as our victory over their parent’s dysfunctional beginnings.

I’m tired of telling our story to each new mental health professional, new teacher or resource worker that we need; that I’ve invited into our lives through my choices in seeking help for the children.

I have to constantly keep my eyes on the prize, to look at my older children who have made miraculous progress and have made me inordinately proud of them. I have to swallow my resentment at the criticism I get from others who cannot comprehend the level of my intensity and devotion to my children.

Today I just needed to rant, to vent, to explode here where I know that so many others of y’all are also equally as frustrated by folks who can’t understand why you chose to adopt medical children, or disrupted children, or that you would take on any sort of responsibility for anyone other than yourself.

Thanks for reading and understanding.

13 comments

Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: lmg1567 [Member]

I can't imagine the scrutiny under which you are living right now. Well, I can in a way because I have TEN children and am viewed as a nutcase by those wonderful people who chose to have only two. I went to a preschool orientation last night for my youngest and everyone was supposed to introduce themselves, stating their children's names/ages/schools. I just laughed and said I had ten and I was not going there! I treated it lightly and most everyone else did too (although I got the typical - "Did you just say TEN?" question). I try not to give too much info. - I've learned the hard way not to. I know that I couldn't take in severely medically fragile children or mentally disabled kids (well, emotionally disabled is what we all seem to get anyway, isn't it?) - but that's my choice. I applaud your efforts, your choices. It's much too easy for society to want to blame someone for our kids problems - it usually falls on our shoulders, in spite of the fact that we know how hard we work, how much we gladly sacrifice every day to meet their needs. You're right, we're doing a job that they wouldn't do, couldn't do, and would resent if forced to do. It's all they can do to deal with our kids on a limited basis - they wouldn't last a month in our homes and yet that makes us the weird ones? I'd take being weird anytime over giving up my kids.

Permalink 09/06/07 @ 10:53

Comment from: Sandra Hanks Benoiton [Member]

· http://international.adoptionblogs.com/

Anyone messing with you today is an idiot. Go for it!

I must admit to wondering about the clothes matching thing ...

Permalink 09/06/07 @ 10:55

Comment from: BEACHLADY [Member]

Go ahead and vent - you have the right!!!!

I don't have 39 - but - just trying to explain that I adopted ONE child can get raised eyebrows!

I liked "or that you would take on any sort of responsibility for anyone other than yourself".

Permalink 09/06/07 @ 11:07

Comment from: Cindy Bodie [Member]

· http://older-child.adoptionblogs.com

I almost never volunteer info about us out in public, I keep introductions to minimal info as well. Even my kids don't mention our family size very often...we're just tired of the raised eyebrows, questions and responses...just let us live our lives.

Permalink 09/06/07 @ 11:24

Comment from: Sunbonnet Sue [Member]

we even get those comments and looks with only five. Not that we're together all that much. It's also nearly always the first conclusion drawn when a family needs help. Well, naturally you can't handle things, because you have too many kids. Absurd! You're certainly justified in feeling frustrated and annoyed, Cindy. Keep your chin up!

Permalink 09/06/07 @ 18:45

Comment from: Cindy Bodie [Member]

· http://older-child.adoptionblogs.com

We have a new family at church and she birthed five beautiful kids. I even have to stop my own self from remarking on that...it seems so different than my world.

IMG1567 writes:" they wouldn't last a month in our homes and yet that makes us the weird ones?" I'm still snickering over that, you are so right.

Permalink 09/06/07 @ 18:57

Comment from: krystalm [Member]

We are new to the foster care thing. We adopted our daughter at age 2 and she is now 8 and we have decided to foster to adopt again.... We want a BIG family alwasy have and it just took us a bit to get back into the system.
So my question is... Why wont UFF / DCF allow us to foster or adopt more than 5. I was told that is our limit is 5 including our adopted daughter.
I dont understand why when we have the space and I am a stay at home mom and we want the children.. They can have a good home and a place but they rather them stay at shelters..
Confusing to me..

Permalink 09/06/07 @ 19:33

Comment from: Cindy Bodie [Member]

· http://older-child.adoptionblogs.com

Each state has their own "policies" but I'm not certain that these are always in writing. I'd check and I'd keep on pushing if this is what you are certain that you are called to do.

Permalink 09/07/07 @ 04:01

Comment from: UnschoolingMama [Member]

I have only 8 and yet I'm also sick of explaining myself. Good grief.
I thought "tolerance" was such a buzz word these days... so where's the tolerance for people who do something different?

Cindy, when are you going to write a book? It seems like it would come naturally to you... then you could just hand them out. LOL

krystalm:

In our state (WA) we have a "plus one" rule. We can always have "plus one" more child, AND his/her siblings (with a waiver). Although we are already seeing much resistance with just 8.

Nicole

Permalink 09/08/07 @ 12:51

Comment from: lmg1567 [Member]

krystalm:

In MI we can be licensed for up to 4 foster children at a time. If you get a group home license (alot more paperwork and letters of agreement from all your neighbors) you can be licensed for 5-6 foster children. Our state has a rule that you cannot have more than 8 children under 17 (so when they turn 17, they don't count in your total). So if you fostered 4 more children and adopted those 4, so you had 5 children total, you could still foster 3 more children after your adoptions were finalized. After you get to 8 kids under 17, they won't give you any unless you get a waiver for a sibling of one of your adopted children and where I live, it's rare. Alot of people here start fostering as their "second family" once all of their bio-kids are 17 and up so they end up adopting 8 children in a relatively short period of time. Good Luck!!

Permalink 09/08/07 @ 14:51

Comment from: AdoptionBlogs Editor [Member]

· http://editor.adoptionblogs.com

I admire what you're doing. Hang in there, Cindy!

Permalink 09/09/07 @ 20:56

Comment from: yestheirmine [Member]

I am so glad I found this blog, other mothers who know how we feel. I usually get "do you do daycare", "these all can't be yours",
When someone laughs and says they all look so diffent, Ive thought of just saying thats because they all have different fathers! I get asked if they are triplets and I get frustrated, but I guess people are just interested. One day im going to make a business card that explains adoption and gives the local number to CPS. I no longer feel the need to explain, since my five year old got upset in wal-mart. One day a lady kept on and on, and finally my little girl in her own way let her know enough was enough, "We are a family, she yelled, and all I could do is agree, yes we are A family baby, we are a family!

Permalink 09/22/07 @ 20:35

Comment from: fatcat [Member]

I've heard that our state will make exceptions to the limit of 5 for a large sibling group.

Permalink 11/01/07 @ 11:03

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